Posted on

The Rise and Shine!

I wore the blazer again and again and looked at myself in the mirror. I would have tried all the combinations of 3 shirts and 2 trousers with the blazer my father had bought taking an advance loan. All the preparations were on for the day when the India’s Best Singer contest was to come to the Royal College in Gangapur, Rajasthan. I started singing at the age of 3 and all of the rest 20 years I only worshipped was my Guru – my Father, music and singing.

The D day arrived; there were not many participants as were observers. Half of Gangapur’s modest population of 25,000 came to watch the celebrity judges whom they had just seen on posters or on television. I braced myself and tried to sing a classical, the anxiety over came my performance. I was selected as a waiting list participant meaning if someone did not turn up, I would be called. Rest few days went as usual; my mom had packed the blazer and even spoken of selling it to a relative who was to get married soon. Father would day and night think of replaying the loan and I myself had taken up tuitions to help father repay the loan. The only good change the let-down brought in me was I doubled up my riyaz (practise) and started living music.

An unexpected call on 21st November 2010 to the c/o neighbour’s number changed my life. I never knew this call would take me to an unexpected turn in my life and what the future held!

“I am speaking from India’s Best Singer. We need you here in Mumbai, can you make it tomorrow?” An eager young voice shouted over the cacophony that surrounded her. I was dumbfound to answer anything, going to Mumbai meant more expenses upfront even if it was paid later by the company. I also knew it was my last chance to make it big. Leaving a note under my father’s pillow and some cash from a friend, I left for the Maximum City!

Reaching the quarterfinals was a breeze. I knew I was the heartthrob with my sweet chocolate boy demeanour. I got close to a fellow contestant, Rajshree. Before the finale, all participants were taken to their home town, but I refused. I was a top contender finalist competing with Rajshree and Asit a boy from Asam. The contest had a nail biting finish and along with the title I won 50 lakh cash and a singing contract with the channel. I was an overnight star, a sensation, I received calls from unknown people congratulating me on my success, I chatted with girls to increase popularity, gave interviews in leading newspapers and radio channels and was the star to every party I was invited. People just wanted me. The importance and the recognition I was gaining I knew the world was at my feet. I knew the way to be in limelight was through my rich young friends. I vaguely remember when at a star studded after award party, Rajshree wanted to sing and I in high spirits grabbed the mic, “I will sing, I am the star, this party is for winners! Give it to me.”  “Aaj jaane ki zid na karo ….” I fell to the ground and rest I read in the news papers, “Rags to Riches and now Young but Finished!”. However such things cannot dampen my spirits, media always tries to bring people down. “Alcoholism, loud music, parties and now drugs, is all you have with you now.” Rajshree never understood me, why do those people give a lecture on success … who have never seen success. I left her.

A year had passed; my first album had created record sales. My dates for the next one year were booked and my first solo stage show was over booked in Rajasthan. My mega posters were all over the city, with people piling around my car to get an autograph. I knew I was the best but anxiety hadn’t let me sleep for a week now in spite of the anti-depressants I took. I selected my leather jacket from the best of brands that wanted to sponsor me. Talent sells…is all I can say. I needed the energy and wanted to be on a high, I sniffed some more marijuana pumped up some protein shakes kissed Anji, my girlfriend passionately before hitting the stage. The crowd was going mad wanted to hear me, even a word was enough. I could barely see the crowd just a hazy layer of black heads! My first half of the performance had girls fainting, wanting to touch me, grab me! The second half, I called some girls on stage against the security orders and a small explosion in one of boom boxes led to a chaos. I was frisked away by security and after that I am blank even today as to what happened.

Next day’s newspaper made me pay the price of my success. Among the 18 people who died in the stampede, were a couple in their 70’s. I was called for recognition and the only thing I recognised on the mutilated body was the blazer the man was wearing. It took me no time to join the dots to my how being in Rajasthan. It’s been two years since the incident; I am convicted and lost the court case of the stampede episode proving me guilty of not adhering to security measures. My hired top lawyer proved me a hard core drug addict to avoid jail. I am in a rehabilitation making baskets and earning 100 rupees a day. Rajshree is a top play back singer now; she comes every week to meet me. Drugs took away my singing ability however I do hum songs when Rajshree is here.

It is quite rightly said, the people you meet when climbing up the steps of success … are the same you meet when climbing down!
This post is part of  A significant turn.. on WriteUpCafe.com<
Posted on

I Want You Tonight!

“It’s my land; I know you don’t get booze here! It’s banned in this state.” She confidently said it. “Ani, I don’t understand why you like yourself being proven wrong always.”

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed making a face.

“What do I get if I prove you wrong?” Rohan held Ananya’s face close to his looking into her eyes.

“Anything, as I know you will never get it here.” Ananya said kissing his hand.

“Are you sure, anything….you know it’s been a while and this time I would really be demanding.”

“Oh, I am confident, anything.”

“Cool, see you in a bit and wear the best you can, be ready….tonight is mine.”

“Sure, will wait and be ready to welcome your sad sulking face.”

He put on his sneakers and ran out. The hotel room closed with a thud behind him. Ananya had never seen him so happy and carefree.

Ananya painted her nails and went for a shower. She changed in a black short slip before sneaking into the bed under the comforter reading ‘Things beyond Forever’. After a while he opened the door and walked in.

She peeped over the book, “Welcome, Mr. Engineer and show me your face.” She looked at him closely, he was perspiring profusely, his white tee completely wet. Droplets of sweat trickled down his face as he seriously looked at her. “What?” she said aloud.

His lips broke into a smile as he revealed a bottle wrapped in brown paper. “oh, gosh…..nooooooo.” she hid her face behind the book.

He ran towards her, trying to sneak into the comforter. “No, please take a shower.” She pushed him. “You are right come.” He pulled her hand.

“No, I had one…” “And who said we can have just one.” And he pulled her in the bathroom. He filled two glasses with vodka and orange juice and placed them on the wash basin. Then she sat on the bath tub edge and he on the toilet seat, he pulled a Davidoff and smoked telling her how he managed the booze. She looked at him with sheer amazement sipping the vodka.

He then took a shower constantly talking to her on things that are different in “Her Land”.

“So, now that you have lost the bet, brace yourself honey.” He said pouring another drink.

She kissed leaving her red lipstick mark on his white tee, “Will this do?” “Are you kidding, the stakes are high honey.” He pulled a deck of cards.

They played poker, where she bet her clothes one after another and kept losing. They finished ¾ of the bottle, he was tipsy and she was high. He pushed her on the floor completely covering her body with his. His fingers circled the periphery of her lips as he looked in her eyes. He held her hand not leaving it for a moment.
 

She seduced him in her ways…caressing his weaknesses and switching the best of love and lust in him. She let him discover her in every way he desired. He engulfed her as she closed her eyes in anticipation of the epitome of this sensuous rendezvous. She gave up her defences as he fondled her supple body. Love reached its zenith and lust at pinnacle as his rawness thrust her. He longed for her fragrance as she for the sweetness of his sweat trickling down his brow onto her body. At one moment their passion was on fire giving in to the rhythmic divine oneness.

Their bodies ignited as they made zealous love before falling into each other’s arms in the wee hours. He was right, he was really demanding that night. They talked, laughed, whisper sweet nothings in between making love through the night. Rohan and Ananya were on a different high…they were high on life!
Posted on

The Unknown!

“So it’s been 23 episodes of season 2 of secrets of the past life, how do you feel right now Dr. Nita?”
” oh i feel on top of this world right now, the season has been a greater success than the first one, the producers are happy and we are already planning the third season.”

“And how do you plan to end this season?”

 “Well, the last episode is even special with my best friend’s son coming to find the answers to his phobia. He is a special child and viewers would really be wonder struck when he finds the reason of this phobia by travelling in his past.”

 “That sounds interesting; Dr.Nita is it true that you are moving back with your boyfriend you left 11 years ago? What was the reason of leaving him then and why together now?”

“No personal questions please!”
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“Hello and welcome viewers, I would like to thank you for the amazing response received for this season and tonight I would like to close this series with the most thrilling experience you will have in the history of television. With me I have a boy who is just 11 years old, the youngest participant we have and we will find answers for him together in a few hours. Please welcome Aditya Malhotra.”

The stage was a huge set with 50 people seated facing a podium which was lit in blue lights. There was a bed and a chair next to it. The crew, the camera and the crowd looked eagerly at the small door as the huge flash light focused on the gate. For 10 seconds there was no sight of the boy and then a frail looking image appeared at the gate. Aditya just stepped on the stage and crumpled on the ground, his body coiled shouting “no lights please, please shut the light off” the boy wouldn’t get up even after the crew reaching out. Nita walked to him finally and touched his shoulder and he responded to the touch and got up. Lights remained off and the boy got up and walked center stage in dim light. Cameras were rolling as Nita settled and ask the boy if he felt better.

“Dear viewers, meet Aditya. Aditya has a phobia for bright lights and prefers to be in the dark. He speaks less, is an introvert with few friends and likes listening to trance music as stated by Aditya mom.” then turning towards Aditya she said, “Well Aditya, here we have something in common, i too like trance music. So what exactly is your phobia and how do you feel?” In a feeble voice the boy spoke, “I don’t like bright light. I feel scared of light.” “Don’t worry boy, the reason for your fear will be known and it will be gone when you leave this stage.”

The process began, “Close your eyes Aditya and concentrate on my voice.” Aditya at once spoke “I have heard your voice before.”

The doctor smiled and “yes, I do have a common voice now don’t speak and concentrate on my voice.” “As i count from 10 to 1 your body is getting light, 10…9…8…you are feeling relaxed and are moving away from this real world around you, 7….6….5 all the energy is released from your body 4……3….and with count of 2….and 1….your energy is out of your body and you can see your body now….are you with me.” Nita spent around 40 minutes to get Aditya to the state she wanted. “Where are you Aditya now? Are you able to hear me?”

“Yes i am, but I don’t know where I am.”

“What do you see around? How do you feel?”

“I don’t see anything around…”

Nita looked puzzled, generally at this stage her subject spoke of their past life, what was wrong here? She thought. “OK how do you feel Aditya?”

I feel in a small room or an enclosed space.”

“Is anyone around?” “No, it’s just me.”

“And you see nothing?”

“No nothing.”

May be Aditya was blind in the past life, Nita tells herself. “And do you hear anything?”

“Yes, I hear a woman, someone I know for long….” he stops and speaks again “I hear her every day. I am with her always.”

“And who do you think she is” “She….she is….i think my mother.”

“Good and what does she talk to you?”

 “She tells me, I am beautiful….and she has bought very good clothes for me.” Aditya’s face showed excitement and a smile and his eyes were still shut. “She speaks to a man about me, he too talks to me but not every day.”

“Go on Aditya….What else does she talk to you?”

 “She says she cooks for me, she listens to music, she talks to her friends about me.”

“And….what happens next as days past…move on Aditya?”

“Next….” the look on Aditya’s face changes, “I hear a lot of loud voices….as if people are fighting.” “I feel scared, I don’t like it, I feel like running away.”

“What are the voices about?”

“I don’t know, I feel scared and keep feeling like that till the time I sleep.”

“What do you hear now?”

 “I hear people only fighting, I feel my mom hugging me, feeling me, crying…but I feel helpless.”

“What are your last memories?”

Aditya is wet with perspiration as he murmurs “My mom telling me, I love you Kino…..”

Nita felt choked as Aditya spoke those words, tears rolled off her eyes and she could not speak anything. The entire studio was high on emotions and there was absolute silence in the entire studio as Aditya lay trembling on the bed coiled completely like a baby.

Nita gathered herself and carried on the process, “Don’t worry, you now know the reasons of your deep fears and with time will be able to overcome them. With a countdown you will now gather your conscious self and move away from your past memories. 3…..2…..1…gather yourself Aditya and slowly open your eyes.” Adiya opened his eyes and sat on the bed. “How do you feel now?” “I feel light and freed from the enclosure.”

The episode ended on the highest note as Nita wrapped the show. She escorted Aditya towards the van outside where her mother waited. She felt uneasy and heavy, something she knew on the stage and camouflaged well….Aditya opened the door of the van and before getting in looked straight into Nita’s eyes, “It’s you…..I recognise the touch…I heard you voice….I heard Kino everyday…I heard your name too. It’s you…I just hid it well.” Nita left him and ran back to her car.




………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Next day the local newspapers read, “Renowned hypnotherapist and socialite Dr. Nita Kishore moved in with his long rumoured actor boyfriend Siddhesh Singh. The couple patched up after 11 years after they decided to part ways over Nita aborting Siddhesh’s child to avoid ruining the upcoming actor’s career.” Aditya is now a normal child, guess he has overcome his fears and no longer thinks of them.

 
Posted on

A Lost Pillar!

My apologies to all those people who reached out to me and asked me when the next blog is coming, I am sorry for being away for two months…there are two things that I have learnt from life till now. Circumstances and determination! I see them as sides of the same coin. Every time I determine to do or not to do something, such circumstance come up that I fail to keep the promises I have given myself. On the other side circumstances arise at such a short notice and in such a way that they break every bit of determination I have, I again gather myself and be more determined! And that’s the reason Shweta says Life’s like that! So now pick up your ioses and androids and enjoy the read J
‘Look at that, you have one more remark this week from your school and again for your handwriting! How am I supposed to deal with this, you know I hate to face your school teacher as I hardly understand her fluent English.’ Mom was really upset this time, I did tell myself that I will try to avoid remarks in my dairy and help mom avoid embarrassment L Tears rolled off my eyes as I stood at the corner of the sofa looking down on the floor fidgeting with my hands.
Grandpa got up from his chair, I looked at him if he would come and hold me, but he picked the paper that flew tucked it neatly on the board he was holding, went back to the chair and started writing his dairy. My Grandpa a tall frail man would always be seen in white shirt and pants, the shirt would always have ink stains, shiny grey self-cut hair (he never went to a barber in his life), green veins could be seen all over his hands as he would pick up his ink pen and write his dairy.

After crying quietly for 10 minutes, grandpa noticed me and came to me. I revealed every bit of what had happened. And he pampered my cheek and turned ‘everybody come to the living room.’ His authoritative tone echoed all over the house and all the 17 people of the family gathered. He looked at all of them ‘I’ll have an early breakfast; I will go to her school tomorrow.’
I was dressed in neatly ironed school dress and grandpa in his white shirt and pants, he held my hand and we reached school. My heart beat so fast that I was almost trembling. ‘Let’s go to principal’s office.’ He said as he pulled my hand. ‘No grandpa, I promise to improve myself, please avoid this.’
He knocked on the big wooden door of the school principal’s office. ‘Oh, Mr. Dave, please come in!’ exclaimed the principal, Ms Bharucha, a beautiful parsi lady in her early thirties. ‘How can I help you?’ she said as she pulled the chair for my grandpa to sit. ‘I thought it was long we had met and thought of paying a visit. How are you?’ ‘Fine, sir. How about you?’ ‘I am fine too, thank you. I’ll be to the point, what makes a man’s’ character?’ he asked curtly. ‘His conduct, principles and discipline.’ She replied. grandpa removed some pictures from his folder and put them in front of her. I couldn’t recognize most of them. ‘Do you think these men you see in the pictures are examples of good characters?’ He questioned. ‘Beethoven – the selfless musical genius, Albert Einstein, renowned scientist and a great genius ever to walk the earth and Bill Gates – Founder of Microsoft? Of course they are the zenith of geniuses born and exemplary characters.’ 

Now Ms Bharucha looked puzzled. ‘And just one last question, what did they have in common?’ asked grandpa again. ‘I am not getting your point, sir.’ ‘they all had bad handwriting! he exclaimed as he looked around and saw a picture of Mahatma Gandhi. He pulled a letter out of his folder and placed it in front of her. ‘This is a self-written letter of Gandhiji, look at his hand writing. Handwriting does not define a human’s character or destiny. My granddaughter may not write elegant but she will write beautiful. Today I see her skeptical picking up a pen being scared of her handwriting. I would not want that being developed in her. Handwriting cannot be considered as a bad remark! This is all I have to say.’ He rose from his chair, placed his hand on her head, held my hand and walked away.

On my way back, he told me something that I treasure my entire life, ‘be quick, be done and be gone.’ He said and smiled at me. This episode is very clear in my mind even today, I learnt a lot from his ways. He always prepared before making a point, he always talked positively and of course I will never forget be quick, be done and be gone! 
I was very close to him and I remember the smile he would give when I would see his dry feet and apply some moisturizer or he would say ‘I feel so light, will sleep every well tonight.’ When I would give him acupressure points on his back. He inculcated the habit of reading and writing in me. He encouraged me a lot in every step I took, he would see me work long hours and often say ‘you spend 10 hours of your day working and making money for a company that’s not yours. Start something on your own and spend the same time, I am sure it will be more satisfying and fruitful. These words will always remain with me and motivate me to be an entrepreneur one day.


I lost my grandpa a month back, he was 97. He passed away in his sleep. Even today when I close my eyes I see him sitting on his chair writing his dairy….. I feel him with me on every step of my life. I love and miss him a lot.

Posted on

Beetein Lamhe, Nostalgia!

The Window shut with a thud, Ananya seated on the arm chair opened her eyes startled by the noise. She realized she had fallen asleep with the book in her hand, Jagjit Singh’s ‘tere khushboo main base khat main jalata kaise’ still softly playing in the background. She got up to open the window when Rohan’s picture fell from the book. She picked it up, opened the window and got back to the chair. She adjusted the blue satin gown as she placed her feet on the table and drew the shawl closer around her. Rohan’s picture was the one he has sent before leaving for Iran on a business trip last year. She had a closer look at the picture and a smile broke on her face seeing his baby like eyes behind the glasses. He preferred to wear a white tee with checked shirt and denim. Smile was rare but with Ananya around it never receded. He dressed simple but classy; he was more European than Indian when it came to dressing. It was less than 24 hours before she could see her love face to face, Ananya cuddled in her chair went to sleep thinking of the moments spent together.

For Rohan being behind the wheel with Ananya by his side was no less than heaven. He couldn’t contain his happiness; he did not want to leave Ananya’s hand even while driving. He would softly hold her hand and place it on his thigh managing to drive with one hand. “Rohan please will you tell me where are we headed, you have just been smiling and hiding it from me and will you please leave my hand I got to show you all my lipstick shades” Ananya said in a chirpy tone. Rohan kissed her hand “Yes wifey as you please, we are today going to fulfill all the promises I made to you sweetie.” Adjectives for Rohan were rare but if he would be really happy he would address her with wifey, jaana, honey, sweetie…it was just endless. They talked all about Iran as Ananya tested her lip stick shades on Rohan’s hand and got a nod on each being good or bad. Rohan parked his car outside Delhi Haat. Ananya gave a puzzled look. Rohan then said that they were there to shop for all that he has promised her. Ananya remembered the conversation when Rohan had got his first salary and said ‘Ani, this I got to give to dad but I promise I will buy you each piece of Indian accessory you desire and winked and continued saying ‘the more you wear the more pleasurable it will be for me to get you off it.”
Ani’s demands were small but very close to her heart. She quickly hopped off the car and they entered the market hand in hand. He would wait outside the shop patiently looking at Ani choosing earrings, payal and bangles. She tried the green bangles and peeped outside the shop at Rohan who was smoking his cig, she held the bangles on her fingers and gestured if he liked them. He smiled and that said it all. She got all of it packed and removed Rohan’s wallet to pay, the shopkeeper gave it weird reaction looking at the gents’ wallet come out of Ani’s big hand bag. She gauged what was happening and in a manly tone asked how much…and then burst out laughing as she settled the bill. That day Rohan drove for 8 hours around Delhi to shop, he also took her to Palam Vihar to show the apartment he was looking forward to buy and promised Ani to get her out of the complexity she was in; the dreams in their eyes were larger than life and as some put it quite unrealistic.
A cold hand on Ananya’s forehead got her back to the real world; in the past three months since Rohan had stopped speaking Ananya’s life too had stopped.  Ananya’s mom had realized where her daughter’s happiness was but that wasn’t of much help. She approved of Rohan but the circumstances never allowed them to be together. She had done all to move on, counseling sessions and medication too had not helped. Ani’s mom sat next to her and kissed her forehead, ‘did you sleep well Ani…” the background nazm played, ‘dafn kar do ham eke saans mile, nabz kuch der se thami si hai…aaj phir aapki kami si hai.’
 
Posted on

Relationships and more……..

Revati tried hard to find the key hole but the number of drinks she had that evening were impairing her vision. After some struggle she managed to open the door of her 5000 sq. feet duplex apartment at Malabar hill. The motion sensors detected she was around and lights flashed as she looked around the lavish living room, all things in order and at the right place. The 16 seater pure leather imported sofa and the huge crystal chandelier were as lifeless as the Guido Daniele painting of the woman posed on a bench overlooking Slizza river in Italy. She flung her Louis Vuitton bag on the sofa and balanced her way leaving her stilettos on the way towards the bed room.
Revati was a socialite wife of Raghu, V. N. Raghupati CEO of Assureinvest a venture capitalist firm. A simple but sharp soul, Raghu was complete opposite of his spouse. Punctual and a man of few words he had strong family values. Their marriage happiness of 8 years was inversely proportional to Raghu’s bank balance. This was the very reason Raghu preferred to spend more time at work than return to an empty house.
Raghu at work was a no non-sense person and appreciated intelligence over hard work. His new hire Deepshikha was just the dependable resource Raghu was looking for. She had to be told little and she understood her work well. Assureinvest was Deepshi’s third job in a career of 6 years. She understood the pulse of the job market well and knew when to switch to get paid better. Her sole motive was a higher figure on the salary slip and with her diligence she knew how to get that. Deepshi and Gaurav met at business school and lost their hearts to each other. Gaurav loved Deepshi’s sharpness and Deepshi purely fell for Gaurav’s looks and his Salsa moves. Both tied the knot against parent’s wishes and moved to a 3 bedroom flat at Goregoan. An Emi of 70,000 and a car loan made Deepshi change her job often and Gaurav take up salsa classes after work. Gaurav’s clientele were crème de la crème of Mumbai most of them socialites including Revati. Gaurav and Deepshi’s 6 years of marriage became a transactional relationship of money transfers to bank accounts and sticky notes on the refrigerator the only way of communication between them.  Sometimes the messages were communicated by Seema their maid who kept a set of house key to complete the house hold chores without disturbing Gaurav who would return home past midnight.
Seema was with Deepshi since her marriage, she was trustworthy but in a painful relation with Govind. Govind was Seema’s husband’s friend and moved with her as a support after her husband died leaving two children behind. Govind turned alcoholic and would rob Seema of all the money she earned.  He had just landed an office boy’s job when Deepshi referred him to Raghu in order to reduce Seema burden.
It was the evening of 16th March 2012 when Deepshi was preparing for the quarterly audit with Govind moving busily out of Raghu’s cabin taking signatures on relevant papers. It was around mid-night when Deepshi entered Raghu’s cabin, he was sitting on the wide parapet of the office his back facing an open window, his legs rested on an Osim massager chair with a glass of Glenlivet in his hand. Deepshi reluctant turned to leave when Raghu asked her to sit. She noticed the generally dressed in a suit Raghu today in a shirt crumpled around the waist as if it was pulled hard. His eyes were red, this was the first time she noticed the handsome man that Raghu was. His ruffled hair, slight grey side locks, his strong arms showed under his sleeves rolled till the elbow. Feeling uncomfortable with the silence she rose once again to leave when the wheels of the chair which Raghu rested his feet on moved and he lost his balance. Deepshi ran towards him and pulled his hand to stop him from falling off the window. He fell on her triggering the dearth of physical touch he had faced in the past years. He hugged her tight; Deepshi did not resist and gave in to his dominance.
Seema rushed to the hospital as her son had fallen off stairs and needed to be admitted. Not knowing where to go she reached Deepshi’s apartment to ask for money. She opened the flat with the set of keys she had and rushed in. Her pace slowed as she saw the stilettoes lying on the floor, as she moved further she saw a Burberry evening gown flung on the ground, she understood that wasn’t Deepshi’s.  She could hear giggles and whispers from the bed room. Not knowing what to do, she decided to leave when she glanced on the open bag on the dinning. She could see a bundle of notes, she tip toed and grabbed the money and moved out to save her son.
Flash forward….October 2013, Deepshi changed the music to classical as Raghu started his Audi Q5. He grabbed Deepshi’s hand and kissed it before buckling his seat belt. They reached the apartment; she waited in the car as Raghu went to Revati’s 16th floor apartment to deliver the signed divorce papers. He was about to ring the bell when he heard Gaurav and Revati arguing over something. He chose to leave the papers at the door. On the way back they dropped in at Seema’s to deliver the Diwali bonus. Now the 5000 sq. feet house name plate reads Deepshi and Raghu’s. May be now it’s not just a house, its home!
Will leave you with one of my favorite songs…
रिश्ते तोह नहीं रिश्तों की पर्छैयाँ मिले 
यह कैसी भीड़ है बस यहाँ तन्हाईयाँ मिले।
इक छत के तले अजनबी हो जाते हैं रिश्ते 
बिस्तर पे चादरों से चुप हो जातें है रिश्ते।
ढूंढे से भी इनमें नहीं गर्मियाँ मिले।
यह कैसी भीड़ है बस यहाँ तन्हाईयाँ मिले।
जिसको भी देखिये वो अधूरासा है यहाँ 
जैसे कहीं हो और वो आधा रखा हुआ।
हो जब जहाँ जुड़े वही जुदाइयाँ मिले 
यह कैसी भीड़ है बस यहाँ तन्हाईयाँ मिले।
Posted on

Unchained Emotions!

“Boss, ek Davidoff lights please.” Rohan asked the vendor glancing at the watch thinking he was well in time. Rohan had a habit of reaching almost a couple of hours in advance at the airport to receive Ananya. The entire rainy season was dry but it was pouring heavily that day. All flights were delayed. He stood there in a less crowded corner of the airport while others waited early at the arrival gate eagerly waiting for their loved ones. Rain GOD was showering all its love that evening, Delhi airport resembled no less than Lajpat Nagar market. The taxis and car drivers shouting at each other with blaring horns and high beam headlights flashing as the traffic jam did not clearing for long.

Ananya looked at her watch as she walked out of the arrival gate. The crowd moved to the left petulantly searching for their names on the sign boards held by various hotel staff. Ananya dragged her trolley as she moved to the right of the gate nodding in denial to the taxi drivers surrounding her. The drivers gradually cleared and she could see Rohan waiting there smiling at her smoking the last bit before throwing the butt off. He looked at her in a white knee length dress with minimal jewelry and she observed his toned body wearing a white tee and a checked shirt and denims. Ananya hurriedly dragged the trolley and reached him. She waited at an arms distance and looked at him. He had sought permission over call the previous day to hug her at the airport; after all they were seeing each other after two months. He got close to her felt some discomfort, Ananya looked into his eyes and he hugged her tight. With six inch heels Ananya’s arms reached perfectly to wrap around Rohan’s neck. Rohan hugged her up and close just as Ananya liked it.

 He released her smiled again took the trolley from her hand and started walking. Ananya loved rains and was cheerful to see pour so heavy. She stood in the rain for a minute before Rohan held her hand got her to the car. They were drenched, he opened the door for her she sat and he got behind the steering wheel. He was waiting for this very moment since two months to have a look at her face for long. He kept observing her as she held his hand over the gear. Not a word was spoken till now just pure love; their way of expression was beyond words. ‘Where’s my rose?’ Ananya broke the silece and asked excitedly. ‘You think in this rain I would be able to get you a rose Ani?’ Rohan always got her a red rose when they met. ‘Ok, I understand’ she said dejectedly. He looked at her and opened the sunblock shade to get the rose and give it to her, saying ‘Is it possible not to come without one, I love you Ananya.’ Her happiness had no bounds, she naughtily said, ‘Rohan, you know when I will say that to you right.’ There was a thud on the window; Rohan rolled the window down to talk to the man, ‘Kabse horn baja raha hoon, suna nahi aapne, bohot jaldi hai mujhe…gaddi nakaloji.’ Rohan responded, ‘haan’ rolled the window up looked at Ananya, ‘ mujhe koi jaldi nahi.’ And started the car.

All the way he held her hand, managing to drive with one hand, using the other only while turning. ‘Rohan, I am very hungry!’ exclaimed Ananya. ‘It will at least take us an hour to reach a decent restaurant Ani, I will try to reach faster.’ Delhi is notorious for its traffic and the rains were cherry on the cake. They reached the restaurant quite late; the best about Delhi is everything is open till late in the night. He parked the car near the garden; Ananya was shivering with wet clothes clinging on her. Rohan got the keys off, looked at Ananya in her eyes, got closer to her smelling the fragrance of green apple (DKNY be delicious), slowly held her face in his hands, his thumb resting on her cheeks as he got his face closer and kissed her for long his breath providing all the warmth she required to stop shivering. He stopped opened his eyes and gestured if she was feeling better. Ananya had a broad smile, Aren’t you hungry Rohan? Let’s go.’ ‘I am hungry Ani, lets continue.’ ‘Stop it Rohan, let’s go.’ They ran into the restaurant getting drenched again.

They entered to find the place fine dining with people dressed well and cutlery clinging all around. Ananya thought not dressed for the place turned around to leave, Rohan held her hand and stood there waiting to be seated. The waiter approached them observing the dripping water of their clothes. Waiter came in quickly asking, ‘what should I serve you sir?’Rohan retorted, ‘One Glenlivet on the rocks and Chardonnay for the lady please. Also get us hot food at the earliest.’ They ate dinner and left for the guest house.
Rohan halted the car outside Ananya’s hotel. It had been two months, he had waited for the moment to latch the room and have a satisfaction that the next two days were just his and no one else. That night they gave a new meaning to words care, passion, emotion and desire. That night several times Ananya said, ‘Rohan, I love you!’

Thank you readers for the overwhelming mails and positive response, I received a lot of questions firstly to know me, well as mentioned am on a journey to know myself, the day I do I share it here. Secondly enquiring more on Rohan and Ananya. I would just say stay with me and look through my eyes they are just around you.

I

Posted on

Warmth of his hand!!

She waited at the cross roads near the car service center looking at the busy moving traffic and the struggling traffic cop trying to manage the giant B.E.S.T buses and the two wheeler speedos. The sun was setting with the smog visible through the headlights on the road. She was physically present and mentally thinking of how her life has turned in the past 6 months.

Suddenly the cacophony on the road caught her attention and she saw a two wheeler lose its balance as a car slightly brushed it from behind. The man wasn’t too hurt. He coolly parked his scooty at the side of the road walked towards the car driver and knocked on his mirror. The driver preparing for an apology rolled his window down. The scooty rider removed his slipper and gave it hard on the drivers face, wore it again and walked away.
Ananya couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the rider’s idiosyncrasy. Well that’s Mumbai, no one has the time to land in a fight but they are such firefighters that they got to react at least. On the other side Ananya realized that it had been long that she had a hearty laugh like this, best would be the moments when she would be with her best friend not caring for the world laughing over things that normal people would not call sane.
The chain of thoughts were just on when an auto rickshaw came and stopped near her. Looking at a known figure in she hopped in and it drove off. There was silence, she placed her hand on her side and looked out as the auto drove at full speed. Suddenly she felt his hand placed on hers and she looked at him in the eye. Her hands were always cold and the warmth that his hands provided was more than she could ask for. He closed his eyes and nodded as if giving some assurance. She slightly smiled and nodded too confirming she understood that he would be around and all will be ok.

The road was full of speeding vehicles and the rickshaw drivers no less than Schumi took dangerous turns to avoid potholes. The vehicle had just crossed the first flyover and gave up. The driver dragged it to the side. Both Ananya and Rohan were in no hurry to reach anywhere. There are people with whom you feel for and want for so long that it is beyond time, money and even life. This was one of those relations. Not defined or named by the society. Rohan got off the and asked the driver what the problem was. Ananya tried to get down too, Rohan signaled her to be in shade. Her mobile buzzed and she was lost in her big bag to trace it. It was an airline message, mentioning the flight was delayed by 30 minutes. She smiled and looked to find Rohan nowhere in sight.

She would get a little restless if he would be out of sight. He appeared from the other side and placed the chilled bottle of water on her hand. She looked at him and smiled, he said in a soft tone, “This is to remind you, that you need to drink more water.” Ananya once felt she understood him and at times also felt she understood nothing. His way of caring was different, it wasn’t obvious and shown, and it was felt……

The driver pulled the handle twice but couldn’t start it, Rohan moved towards it and pulled it once and it started. He hopped in next to her and placed his hand on the side not to find hers. He looked at her and she realized his need. She placed her hand on his and the rickshaw sped off.

There were no words spoken, only the warmth felt. It had become some sought of ritual of him dropping and picking her from the airport. Their work involved a lot of travel. The rickshaw entered terminal 1B and stopped at the departure gate. They both alighted and waited looking at each other. ‘Oh, I forgot to mention the flight is delayed Rohan.’ He looked at her with a broad smile, ‘Good, let’s go then.’ ‘Where, it’s not much, just 30 minutes.’ Ananya said in a puzzled tone. ‘Every minute can be cherished, Ani.” He held her hand and pulled her away from the gate, hopped on the rickshaw again and sped off. They halted outside the Centaur hotel, both got down, he not leaving her hand moved to the tea stall. ‘Do chai, patti tez, cheeni kum’ (two teas, strong with less sugar) he ordered. That was their standard drink, their poison if you can put it, especially if it is from a road side tea stall. Every sip was like a cherished moment together. He would finish his tea so quick and light his Davidoff till the time Ananya sipped her tea.

They reached the departure gate in time. Both looked in each other’s eyes and held hands. A hug was very occasional in public, it was left for the moments which Rohan defined as his dream, where each day he would get up seeing her face and end the day by latching the door with only her to be with. She held his hand tight, to feel the warmth and treasure it till they met again……

Her hands are still always cold, and she still feels the warmth of his hand when she closes her eyes.

Posted on

Unwanted Decisions……

There are certain situations that put us in jeopardy and give us no choice but to make one decision….the decision we don’t want to make, the decision that we know will do no good, the decision that will not let us be ourselves ever in life and the decision that will make us lose the most valuable people in life. This blog post is dedicated to those decisions who themselves would have died a thousand deaths when someone took them.

It was September of 2000 and had got my semester results; I called my sister straight from college and started in my chirpy voice, “Guddi di, hello….hello…” the phone went blank before I could hear her. I dialed again, “Guddidi, you there…” A meek but serious voice answered back, “Yeh Sweetie” I could wait further and broke the news, “I have passed with flying colors this semester.” I could not curb my happiness and wanted to speak at length. “I am very happy for you Sweetie, keep it up” Not hearing all of it, I mentioned I will come in a week’s time speak to her at length and hung up.

In a week’s time before I could meet her, she gave up her life. She was 25. A decision made over a failed marriage, dreams crashed, unwanted circumstances. I think very often of the moment she would have faced, when she stood on the parapet of the 7th floor looking down the building before jumping. A decision that she never wanted to take, a decision that affected us all for life…..

There are times when people fall in love and feel they would not want anything else in life but the hand of the person
they love. Then make a decision of parting for reasons that rest on their shoulders as responsibilities or social obligations. This decision keeps all around happy, except for the person who made it. That person loses herself forever. She changes to someone whom she cannot recognize in the mirror. She is like that complex jigsaw that cannot be put together by anyone but her love.

We read big books, attend sessions and belong to the well-read class, we all would be found telling the other its one life to live, why not make the fullest of what we have. And when it comes to making that one decision we fail and let our soul down. We make that one decision for our parents, for our loved ones for anyone else but for ourselves. Can we not just do what would keep us happy rather than the superficial others? Better said than done….i agree.

So here’s this dedication for all the people who made this one unwanted decision in life and lost the one they loved and knew with whom they would have made the best of life. This nazm is written by poet Ahmed Faraz and sung by the late Mehndi Hassan.

अब के हम बिछड़े तोह शायद कभी ख़्वाबों में मिले
जिस तरह सूखे हुए फूल किताबों में मिले…..

ढून्ढ उजड़े लोगों में वफ़ा के मोती 
यह खजाने तुझे मुमकिन है खरबों में मिले…….

तू खुदा हें ना मेरा इश्क फ़रिश्तों जैसा
दोनों इंसान हैं तोह इनुम इतने हिजाबों में मिले….

घम-ए-दुनिया भी घम-ए-यार में शामिल कर लो
नशा बहता है शराबों में तोह शराबों में मिले….

अब लबों में हूं ना तू हें ना माझी है फराक
जैसे दो साए तमाना के सराबों में मिले…


Miss you!!!

If we now part, we will find
each other in dreams
like we find the dry flowers
pressed against the pages of books

Perhaps you’ll find
the pearls of loyalty
in the fog of desolate, lost people
fallen to dark misfortunes.
  
You are not God,
nor is my love like angels
we are both human,
so why we meet behind veils?
Let’s put sorrows of life
into the pathos of love.
only waters of fire
add fires to waters.
Now it’s not me, not you
nor is the past, O Faraaz!
we’re like two people
meeting in the mirage of desires.