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Where were you Ananya? – A fiction

the hug

Where were you Ananya?

She walked passed the corridor and placed her suitcase looking at the small temple where a diya lit like her unwavering faith. As she left the house keys on the key stand above the shoe rack he came out of the study his bluetooth on his ear.

“Where are you going?” he questioned with a gesture.

She turned to face the door.

“Ananya” he excused himself from the call. “Where were you?” he surprised himself with what he just asked.

Ananya turned to her love and with with a tight smile spoke

“I?”

She looked at him for a minute the longest in the last she remembered seeing him.

“I was here Rohan. Lying somewhere in your life.” She paused.

“I was right here stacked among host of messages on your Whatsapp. I also stood in between the tight deadlines over months. Didn’t you notice me in the several voicemails.” her eyes brimmed as she spoke slowly and softly.

“I was that fleeting thought that would have passed as you busily worked on your submission. Didn’t you see me Rohan? I was trying to share a smile when you commuted after work to go to an important dinner. I waived at you over an occupied Saturday movie and a Sunday photography session. I was that struggle that got tossed between work and hobby. Colleagues and friends. I was that time between a work week and a deserved unwind. I was right there just out of your sight.” she spoke without a tinge of sarcasm. 

“Oh is it?” her pain barely reached him, “So where was I Ananya?”

“You jaan?” Ananya swallowed a lump and spoke.

“You were the page I turned as I read a book. You were the blanket I cuddled on cold mornings alone in bed. You were the half filled tea cup I spoke to for hours sharing my petty gossips. You were the smile that faded when I heard our favourite song. You were the phone call that I never missed to make during lunch. You were there in my questions, in my feelings and in every emotion.”

The rage, the anger melted in seconds. That was Rohan’s heart. A silent tear rushed passed Rohan’s warm cheek as he took small steps towards his first love.

“Ani, I am sorry. Can we not work on this.” he gently held Ananya.

“Rohan.” she placed her palm on his rough beard. “We haven’t lost it all. I am still Ani for you.”

She could bear any storm but not a tear in his eyes. He embraced her in his arms as she rose to her toes giving it all once again. May be the times had changed but the solace the hug brought hadn’t. 

“Miss you Rohan” She hugged tighter digging her face in his chest.

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Unchained Emotions!

“Boss, ek Davidoff lights please.” Rohan asked the vendor glancing at the watch thinking he was well in time. Rohan had a habit of reaching almost a couple of hours in advance at the airport to receive Ananya. The entire rainy season was dry but it was pouring heavily that day. All flights were delayed. He stood there in a less crowded corner of the airport while others waited early at the arrival gate eagerly waiting for their loved ones. Rain GOD was showering all its love that evening, Delhi airport resembled no less than Lajpat Nagar market. The taxis and car drivers shouting at each other with blaring horns and high beam headlights flashing as the traffic jam did not clearing for long.

Ananya looked at her watch as she walked out of the arrival gate. The crowd moved to the left petulantly searching for their names on the sign boards held by various hotel staff. Ananya dragged her trolley as she moved to the right of the gate nodding in denial to the taxi drivers surrounding her. The drivers gradually cleared and she could see Rohan waiting there smiling at her smoking the last bit before throwing the butt off. He looked at her in a white knee length dress with minimal jewelry and she observed his toned body wearing a white tee and a checked shirt and denims. Ananya hurriedly dragged the trolley and reached him. She waited at an arms distance and looked at him. He had sought permission over call the previous day to hug her at the airport; after all they were seeing each other after two months. He got close to her felt some discomfort, Ananya looked into his eyes and he hugged her tight. With six inch heels Ananya’s arms reached perfectly to wrap around Rohan’s neck. Rohan hugged her up and close just as Ananya liked it.

 He released her smiled again took the trolley from her hand and started walking. Ananya loved rains and was cheerful to see pour so heavy. She stood in the rain for a minute before Rohan held her hand got her to the car. They were drenched, he opened the door for her she sat and he got behind the steering wheel. He was waiting for this very moment since two months to have a look at her face for long. He kept observing her as she held his hand over the gear. Not a word was spoken till now just pure love; their way of expression was beyond words. ‘Where’s my rose?’ Ananya broke the silece and asked excitedly. ‘You think in this rain I would be able to get you a rose Ani?’ Rohan always got her a red rose when they met. ‘Ok, I understand’ she said dejectedly. He looked at her and opened the sunblock shade to get the rose and give it to her, saying ‘Is it possible not to come without one, I love you Ananya.’ Her happiness had no bounds, she naughtily said, ‘Rohan, you know when I will say that to you right.’ There was a thud on the window; Rohan rolled the window down to talk to the man, ‘Kabse horn baja raha hoon, suna nahi aapne, bohot jaldi hai mujhe…gaddi nakaloji.’ Rohan responded, ‘haan’ rolled the window up looked at Ananya, ‘ mujhe koi jaldi nahi.’ And started the car.

All the way he held her hand, managing to drive with one hand, using the other only while turning. ‘Rohan, I am very hungry!’ exclaimed Ananya. ‘It will at least take us an hour to reach a decent restaurant Ani, I will try to reach faster.’ Delhi is notorious for its traffic and the rains were cherry on the cake. They reached the restaurant quite late; the best about Delhi is everything is open till late in the night. He parked the car near the garden; Ananya was shivering with wet clothes clinging on her. Rohan got the keys off, looked at Ananya in her eyes, got closer to her smelling the fragrance of green apple (DKNY be delicious), slowly held her face in his hands, his thumb resting on her cheeks as he got his face closer and kissed her for long his breath providing all the warmth she required to stop shivering. He stopped opened his eyes and gestured if she was feeling better. Ananya had a broad smile, Aren’t you hungry Rohan? Let’s go.’ ‘I am hungry Ani, lets continue.’ ‘Stop it Rohan, let’s go.’ They ran into the restaurant getting drenched again.

They entered to find the place fine dining with people dressed well and cutlery clinging all around. Ananya thought not dressed for the place turned around to leave, Rohan held her hand and stood there waiting to be seated. The waiter approached them observing the dripping water of their clothes. Waiter came in quickly asking, ‘what should I serve you sir?’Rohan retorted, ‘One Glenlivet on the rocks and Chardonnay for the lady please. Also get us hot food at the earliest.’ They ate dinner and left for the guest house.
Rohan halted the car outside Ananya’s hotel. It had been two months, he had waited for the moment to latch the room and have a satisfaction that the next two days were just his and no one else. That night they gave a new meaning to words care, passion, emotion and desire. That night several times Ananya said, ‘Rohan, I love you!’

Thank you readers for the overwhelming mails and positive response, I received a lot of questions firstly to know me, well as mentioned am on a journey to know myself, the day I do I share it here. Secondly enquiring more on Rohan and Ananya. I would just say stay with me and look through my eyes they are just around you.

I

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Tactical v/s Strategic: My perspective

Off late I have been often hearing and using myself the words tactical and strategic. After giving a deeper thought I felt revisiting the two and providing my flavor to the same.

Before I share my perspective lets understand the widely accepted view on these.
Tactical meaning: of or relating to tactics: as (1): of or relating to small-scale actions serving a larger purpose (2): made or carried out with only a limited or immediate end in view.

Strategic: Strategy [1]) is a general, undetailed plan of action, encompassing a long period of time, to achieve a complicated goal.

Considering dictionary meaning, the common understanding is
1) Tactical is short-term and Strategic is long-term, or…
2) Tactical is small and Strategic is big, or…
3) Tactical is kludgy and Strategic is high-quality
Well now that we understand the widely accepted meaning, I can draw an analogy which I call my perspective. The part of the world that I belong, we are known for our rich culture and customs. There are lot of rituals and ceremonies before a couple enters a social institution of marriage. One of the customs is that the couple exchange rings more popularly known as engagement. This last 6 to 12 months before the couple takes vows to be together for life.
I know your thought is what’s the   analogy? Well ancestors who designed this ‘architecture’ were the best in their job. The analogy is that engagement which is more of a tactical option gives the couple a chance to relate to small-scale actions serving a larger purpose J.  Marriage where the couple is tied with no escape is more of a strategic solution and as the meaning puts undetailed plan of action, encompassing a long period of time, to achieve a complicated goal, the complicated goal here I assume is the ‘and they lived happily ever after J’ Till the time marriage isn’t announced the couple can think if they would like to go strategic, once gone strategic there is no looking back.
Now that most of you may agree with the analogy, I would like to end this with what a friend shared a few days ago. When I was casually discussing the tactical vs. strategic he gave me a very good example of a tactical mistake vs. a strategic blunder. Post the strategic implementation of your plan of marriage if a man gifts his wife a present which she doesn’t like it’s a tactical mistake while if he altogether forgets her birthday it’s a strategic blunder. 
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Complexities among shades of Grey!!!

To confess, my next blog was ‘The warmth of his hand’….but a discussion with a friend and her complex situation with her boyfriend turned the course of action towards this blog J
I did like to start with a disclaimer – this isn’t a second in series of male bashing articles but a different perspective rather my perspective to reading the dominant sex (by sheer number).

While all women across the world drooled over E. L. James depiction of young business magnate, Christian Grey and his 50 shades, I would like to draw your attention to the not so happening shades of a man.

I looked up Wikipedia and understand that the sex ratio for the entire world population is 101 males to 100 females. Then am sure the one man over the 100 is Christian Grey. So here is my reading of the not so happening traits among men that an average woman would abhor or in my perspective are beyond normal.

Men who laugh without a reason – don’t give me surprised looks, they exist and in our very own world. A friend brought this up, she was seeing this guy for some time and was just unable to understand the cause of his laughter without a reason on anything or without anything, she is sitting across a table, talking something she needs an opinion on and here goes the laughter. Am sure the thinking bandwagon would tick there on thoughts of course what was the laughter which breaks in every few seconds for? Worst still…..what’s the joke dude? The only oxymoron that fits well for such people is I got to fathom the depth of their shallow minds.

Men who go silent or are non-reactive – you talk to them one reaction silence, you convey your thoughts no response. Imagine a conversation where a woman is her chirpy self, excited to meet him after days, loads to share and there is only one reaction……you got that right no reaction J. On another note I do agree that most men are more visually-driven, they would be watching her rather than hearing her J

Men who are non-responsive – Well this could be coming from the known trait most men can’t express themselves. Don’t express, respond to situations, respond to people. I saw her in a fix and had to tell her don’t expect a response. I do sometimes feel being more direct might help, but it depends on what we ask for. A vaguely asked question might not be responded specially the “we need to talk!’ ones.

Given this I still feel that women can be more complex than men. Given the complexity, I am not among those who pose problems, I think there is a solution to every problem and some quick fixes may help.

Be direct – Avoid using hinting as a way to ask for what you want, be direct. These tactics make men feel manipulated and lost, that makes them angry.

Give time – Men have been trained to have all the answers and avoid showing their fear or uncertainty. Men prefer to talk only when they know the answer or solution, and will not like to talk much until then. They like to do their thinking process silently. So give time.

Give Way – there will be enough clues to understand if you can carry on or not. Get them right; don’t hang around the branch if it’s growing thorns. Understand and move on. You might be the next Adele and make it big after he is gone who knows J


Lastly to err is human be it us or them so never give up on someone you can’t go a day without thinking about, rest time heals everything!!

I can’t end it without a nazm, so here it is…


गाँठ अगर लग जाये तोह फिर रिश्ते हों या डोरी 
लाख करे कोशिश खुलने में वक़्त तोह लगता है।

नए परिंदों को उड़ने में वक़्त तोह लगता है 
प्यार का पहला ख़त लिखने में वक़्त तोह लगता है। 

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MEN ARE LIKE RUBBER BANDS!!

MEN ARE LIKE RUBBER BANDS!!

John Gray in his book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus talks of men having an intimacy cycle which is much like a rubber band….

“they instinctively pull away. It is not a decision or a choice. It just happens. It is neither his fault nor her fault. It’s a natural cycle”

I agree with Gray on men being like rubber bands but it is not his decision or choice……nor his fault….dude is in serious misconception there!

Am sure all my women friends will have a déjà vu feeling when they hear the words…I am blank…a standard connotation used by the rightly called rubber bands  Interestingly my interpretation goes that men pull back as much as they can and then get reminded….some things would require mademoiselle and thus the rubber band is back to position!

So to be more precise John Gray also describes that men who are habitually insensitive or unavailable and who come to women when they need an ego boost or in his words get generally to get his needs met (mostly emotional) without fulfilling her needs…. here he got it right again but I see a different pattern now…

In these changing times we all, both men and women can have phases of being less tolerant and emotionally insensitive. With the high divorce rates and break-ups sky rocketing it is very natural to not be able to emotionally engage with someone on a healthy level for long periods of time.

For me it’s about foundation….the stone on which the relationship is based…if that stepping stone is strong…..let the rubber band stretch… it will surely come to position. Whatever we say both the sexes fail to exist without each other and for once let us women too agree…they aren’t that bad…it’s all on us to recognize if it’s not being a rubber band that comes back only to get the way and back again or a rubber band that stretches so much that breaks.

The argument continues……..

I will leave you on the fence with this liner from fml: ‘Today, my friend told me men can’t be trusted. I told her that wasn’t true; I have my husband’s password to his email but I never check it because I trust him. She bet me he was doing something bad, and to prove her wrong I looked. Turns out he has been cheating on me for 8 months’

Thoughts anyone……