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Complexities among shades of Grey!!!

To confess, my next blog was ‘The warmth of his hand’….but a discussion with a friend and her complex situation with her boyfriend turned the course of action towards this blog J
I did like to start with a disclaimer – this isn’t a second in series of male bashing articles but a different perspective rather my perspective to reading the dominant sex (by sheer number).

While all women across the world drooled over E. L. James depiction of young business magnate, Christian Grey and his 50 shades, I would like to draw your attention to the not so happening shades of a man.

I looked up Wikipedia and understand that the sex ratio for the entire world population is 101 males to 100 females. Then am sure the one man over the 100 is Christian Grey. So here is my reading of the not so happening traits among men that an average woman would abhor or in my perspective are beyond normal.

Men who laugh without a reason – don’t give me surprised looks, they exist and in our very own world. A friend brought this up, she was seeing this guy for some time and was just unable to understand the cause of his laughter without a reason on anything or without anything, she is sitting across a table, talking something she needs an opinion on and here goes the laughter. Am sure the thinking bandwagon would tick there on thoughts of course what was the laughter which breaks in every few seconds for? Worst still…..what’s the joke dude? The only oxymoron that fits well for such people is I got to fathom the depth of their shallow minds.

Men who go silent or are non-reactive – you talk to them one reaction silence, you convey your thoughts no response. Imagine a conversation where a woman is her chirpy self, excited to meet him after days, loads to share and there is only one reaction……you got that right no reaction J. On another note I do agree that most men are more visually-driven, they would be watching her rather than hearing her J

Men who are non-responsive – Well this could be coming from the known trait most men can’t express themselves. Don’t express, respond to situations, respond to people. I saw her in a fix and had to tell her don’t expect a response. I do sometimes feel being more direct might help, but it depends on what we ask for. A vaguely asked question might not be responded specially the “we need to talk!’ ones.

Given this I still feel that women can be more complex than men. Given the complexity, I am not among those who pose problems, I think there is a solution to every problem and some quick fixes may help.

Be direct – Avoid using hinting as a way to ask for what you want, be direct. These tactics make men feel manipulated and lost, that makes them angry.

Give time – Men have been trained to have all the answers and avoid showing their fear or uncertainty. Men prefer to talk only when they know the answer or solution, and will not like to talk much until then. They like to do their thinking process silently. So give time.

Give Way – there will be enough clues to understand if you can carry on or not. Get them right; don’t hang around the branch if it’s growing thorns. Understand and move on. You might be the next Adele and make it big after he is gone who knows J


Lastly to err is human be it us or them so never give up on someone you can’t go a day without thinking about, rest time heals everything!!

I can’t end it without a nazm, so here it is…


गाँठ अगर लग जाये तोह फिर रिश्ते हों या डोरी 
लाख करे कोशिश खुलने में वक़्त तोह लगता है।

नए परिंदों को उड़ने में वक़्त तोह लगता है 
प्यार का पहला ख़त लिखने में वक़्त तोह लगता है। 

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Unwanted Decisions……

There are certain situations that put us in jeopardy and give us no choice but to make one decision….the decision we don’t want to make, the decision that we know will do no good, the decision that will not let us be ourselves ever in life and the decision that will make us lose the most valuable people in life. This blog post is dedicated to those decisions who themselves would have died a thousand deaths when someone took them.

It was September of 2000 and had got my semester results; I called my sister straight from college and started in my chirpy voice, “Guddi di, hello….hello…” the phone went blank before I could hear her. I dialed again, “Guddidi, you there…” A meek but serious voice answered back, “Yeh Sweetie” I could wait further and broke the news, “I have passed with flying colors this semester.” I could not curb my happiness and wanted to speak at length. “I am very happy for you Sweetie, keep it up” Not hearing all of it, I mentioned I will come in a week’s time speak to her at length and hung up.

In a week’s time before I could meet her, she gave up her life. She was 25. A decision made over a failed marriage, dreams crashed, unwanted circumstances. I think very often of the moment she would have faced, when she stood on the parapet of the 7th floor looking down the building before jumping. A decision that she never wanted to take, a decision that affected us all for life…..

There are times when people fall in love and feel they would not want anything else in life but the hand of the person
they love. Then make a decision of parting for reasons that rest on their shoulders as responsibilities or social obligations. This decision keeps all around happy, except for the person who made it. That person loses herself forever. She changes to someone whom she cannot recognize in the mirror. She is like that complex jigsaw that cannot be put together by anyone but her love.

We read big books, attend sessions and belong to the well-read class, we all would be found telling the other its one life to live, why not make the fullest of what we have. And when it comes to making that one decision we fail and let our soul down. We make that one decision for our parents, for our loved ones for anyone else but for ourselves. Can we not just do what would keep us happy rather than the superficial others? Better said than done….i agree.

So here’s this dedication for all the people who made this one unwanted decision in life and lost the one they loved and knew with whom they would have made the best of life. This nazm is written by poet Ahmed Faraz and sung by the late Mehndi Hassan.

अब के हम बिछड़े तोह शायद कभी ख़्वाबों में मिले
जिस तरह सूखे हुए फूल किताबों में मिले…..

ढून्ढ उजड़े लोगों में वफ़ा के मोती 
यह खजाने तुझे मुमकिन है खरबों में मिले…….

तू खुदा हें ना मेरा इश्क फ़रिश्तों जैसा
दोनों इंसान हैं तोह इनुम इतने हिजाबों में मिले….

घम-ए-दुनिया भी घम-ए-यार में शामिल कर लो
नशा बहता है शराबों में तोह शराबों में मिले….

अब लबों में हूं ना तू हें ना माझी है फराक
जैसे दो साए तमाना के सराबों में मिले…


Miss you!!!

If we now part, we will find
each other in dreams
like we find the dry flowers
pressed against the pages of books

Perhaps you’ll find
the pearls of loyalty
in the fog of desolate, lost people
fallen to dark misfortunes.
  
You are not God,
nor is my love like angels
we are both human,
so why we meet behind veils?
Let’s put sorrows of life
into the pathos of love.
only waters of fire
add fires to waters.
Now it’s not me, not you
nor is the past, O Faraaz!
we’re like two people
meeting in the mirage of desires.







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Bridges of Madison County…….

It is said that opposites attract, for long they worked on projects together and had high regards. Ananya came across as a no non-sense, straight forward workaholic woman and Rohan reserved, quiet and reticent. One thing that they had in common was both were loners, both needed no companionship but the reason for this for each was different.

“why do you have to force this on me? I am ok the way I am” Ananya extremely disturbed stood in the most unobserved corner of the office building speaking to her mom. “I am not able to forget things that have happened, I would never be able to get over it, please let me be.” Walking towards the elevator she hung up, eyes red as she came face to face with Rohan. She kept her calm and tried to close the elevator door, Rohan gauging things well asked if all was well. Her tears brimmed over again as she started to speak, “I’m ok, thank you.” Rohan just at arms distance placed his hand on her shoulder and before he could ask again, Ananya turned and hugged him tight crying as she mentioned again and again that all was okay. Rohan did not stop her; he did not let the elevator door open and just went from ground level to seven and seven to ground several times. The only two thoughts that chased his mind were how could a strong woman like her crumble like this and second that he did not want anyone to witness the vulnerable woman in his arms. There was a sense of awkwardness of his current situation and for the moment after she would gather herself. She had held his arm and sleeve tight as she wept, no matter how strong the woman believes she is, there is a need for a hand that she can hold and get a sense of belongingness that makes her feel complete.

The elevator door finally opened with a thud on the fifth floor, she separated herself from him and without saying a word walked away. She was to go back to Chennai, she picked her bag and left in a jiffy. During the day Rohan visited Ananya’s desk and learnt she had left. He noticed she had in a hurry left a book on the desk, it read….Bridges of Madison County…….

Rohan carried the book home, “Francesca: Robert, please. You don’t understand, no-one does. When a woman makes the choice to marry, to have children; in one way her life begins but in another way it stops. You build a life of details. You become a mother, a wife and you stop and stay steady so that your children can move. And when they leave they take your life of details with them. And then you’re expected move again only you don’t remember what moves you because no-one has asked in so long. Not even yourself. You never in your life think that love like this can happen to you.

Robert Kincaid: But now that you have it…   Francesca: I want to keep it forever. I want to love you the way I do now the rest of my life. Don’t you understand… we’ll lose it if we leave. I can’t make an entire life disappear to start a new one. All I can do is try to hold onto to both. Help me. Help me not lose loving you”

Rohan was not an avid reader but was up entire two nights to finish the book. It wasn’t a book, it was he reading Ananya. He thought hard on why she would be reading such a sad story. Every moment she sepent in the elevator crying flashed when he closed his eyes. Her fragrant hair, her body smelt of green apple and her quiet and somber demeanor, He smoked his Davidoff as he kept thinking of her, wondering or eagerly waiting the next time he would be face to face with her not realising he had fallen for her.

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Destiny was it………but they met!

“Let’s get going…or else we are going to be really late” said Rohan. He had finished his studies in Europe and had joined an Indian company purely due to his passion for electronics and secondly to be with his parents. “Why do we have to wait for so long, can she not come by herself?” he snapped with sheer restlessness. Gaurav looked at his watch and said…I have known her for 5 years and she is punctual, let’s wait for some more time, Delhi is not her city man.” Gaurav was known as a cool dude in the office, he was never seen serious and was known as a helpful soul.

Delhi had not seen this kind of rain since years. It was pouring since morning and hadn’t stopped except for an hour in the afternoon. “I don’t know why you had to tag her with us. It’s already 7.00 pm; I really don’t like waiting for ladies like that. If she doesn’t turn up in another 5 minutes, I’ll leave. We are invited by the client for the get together and I can’t be late there. India doesn’t really care for time leave aside women.” Before he could finish his sentence, an auto rickshaw(a three wheeler vehicle), stood at a distance from them. In the heavy showers visibility was bad but Gaurav tried to figure out if Ananya was here.  The auto stood there for 5 minutes and all Gaurav and Rohan could see was the auto driver turned behind talking to someone which seemed like a quarrel over money. After a while a blue umbrella popped from the auto and a woman in plain white chiffon chudidar (Indian ethnic wear) got down. All Rohan could see was the 6 inch heels, the white bottom, white and silver bangles in both the hands and a blue umbrella. 
The person started walking towards them managing her large bag and her dupatta getting wet from the rains. Gaurav stepped forward recognizing Ananya and swiftly moved towards her, ‘what took you so late? Anyways let’s get into the car and talk about it” Rohan just understanding that she had arrived had already started the car and was ready to go. They quickly got in, Gaurav in the front and Ananya sat behind, folded her umbrella and calmly asked, “It’s wet, where do I place it? Do you have a bag I can put it in?” Rohan was at his restless best and snapped again, leave it on the seat; I can’t waste time over a bag now.” And he started the engine and zoomed off. On the way he left no opportunity for Ananya to explain of her being late but gave all he could that it was Delhi, its notorious for its traffic, it’s the client who had thrown this party and another lecture on time management. It had been 4 months that Rohan had joined the company but had no opportunity to work with Ananya, for that matter didn’t know much about her.
The tires screeched and they reached the venue. Gaurav quickly got off and rushed in to tell his boss that they had arrived. Rohan got down too, opened the door for her and said please go in quickly ill park and come. As Ananya tried to get down, Rohan got the first glimpse of her. She looked in her early twenties, her bright face, droplets of rain on her brow, black eyes, wavy black hair, fuller lips and simple but perfect make up. Rohan was a keen observer but not the one to believe in love at first sight. She quickly got down and moved towards the hall. Ananya joined the company after her post-graduation when she was 23, had been with the company for five years now and was known as a dedicated and sincere colleague. She and her boss Madhukar had almost grown in the company together. Madhu never behaved as a boss to her, the entire office knew that the ladder to his success was his hardworking attitude.  
The party hall was not too big but very well decorated. Ananya loved white and yellow flowers and the hall was decorated with lilies. Madhu walked towards her to greet her. Ananya looked at him and remorsefully said “Sorry Madhu, I got late.” Madhu smiled at her and said “you are not late but on time, the client has just arrived and it’s your day Ananya, so cheer up! I have a small surprise for you.  Ill refill my wine and be back, would you like something?” Ananya nodded in negative. By that time the project team was all around her and Gaurav in an extremely dejected tone mentioned, “Man, I hate such get together, no beer dude, its classy it’s just wine…..” Ananya smiled   “chill we can have another party and that will be on me”
Rohan walked towards the group with his wine and said, “The wine is awesome, heavy bodied and not to dry, just the way I like it.” Gaurav rolled his eyes at that gesturing to say, you are more European and less Indian now.” The party was in full swing when the client signaled the music off and took over the mic, “ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to announce that the product has had a successful launch and would like to thank Madhukar and his team for toiling hard to make this happen. The team’s effort is well appreciated and would like to specially thank Ananya for leading the team to make this a success.” Madhu took over and started, Madhu was known to stick to the mic given an opportunity and the minute he took over, there was a hum in the group. “Mr. Shyam, it is our pleasure indeed to have been able to work with your esteemed company. In my career of last 15 years I have not seen a better run project than this. The team has left no stone unturned to make this happen. We look forward to our journey with you and this as a start. Last but surely not the least I would like to personally thank Ananya for leadership and contribution on this engagement.” Smiling at Ananya, he continued, “We have a small token of appreciation for Ananya for this project completion and a certificate of excellence as she has completed five successful years in the company.” Ananya confidently moved ahead, took the glass plaque certificate and said, “Thanks for the surprise, Madhu, when you score a goal, or hit a three, or get a touchdown, you don’t do it for yourself, you do it for the team because the name in the front of the shirt is more important than the one on the back. So this is for the team who never gave up. Thank you!”
The party was young and peppy, post dinner Ananya excused herself and left in the cab she had booked, Madhu waited chatting with the client; the team joked around and played games. Late in the night Gaurav left with Rohan in his car. The one thing he loved more than his life was his white Santro which he missed in Europe. On the way back Rohan asked, “I had no clue that Ananya was with the company for five years? That’s something isn’t it?” Gaurav messaging his girlfriend on the blackberry answered “dude, have heard that when Ananya joined there were only two members in the team, Madhu and her. They did the pre-sales, got the business, executed and closed. And look now we are almost 15 people.” They got the bucks to get this going. The rumor is also that the management wanted to merge the unit with Asia Pacific, but they didn’t let that happen.” After dropping Gaurav, on the way back Rohan thought Ananya would have felt bad the way I spoke to her, I should apologize. My short temperedness is going to destroy things someday.
Girl meets Boy….not really…..love at first sight…. definitely not……Would leave you with a nazm by Daag Dehlvi,
uzr  aane main bhi  hai aur bulate bhi nahin
baais-e-tark-e-mulaaqaat batate bhi nahin
[uzr = hesitate; bais = reason]
[tark-e-mulaaqaat = terminating acquaintanceship]
khub parda hai ke chilman se lage baithe hain
saaf chhupate bhi nahin saamane aate bhii nahin
ho chukaa qata ta’lluq to jafaayen kyon ho
jn ko matalab nahin rahataa vo sataate bhi nahin
zist se tang ho ai ‘Daag’ to jite kyon ho
jaan pyaari bhi nahin jaan se jaate bhi nahin
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Pre-Prem, Post-Prem……Real Prem??
(*prem is a Sanskrit word meaning love)
Telephone, cell phone, going mobile or being virtual has made the world such a small place……you reckon? I don’t.
30 CHF or 150 INR – 1 GB internet, 90 minutes and unlimited text messages free!!!!!! We have divided our love based on the cell phone scheme we have whether its prepaid or postpaid. Pre-paid scheme more text messages and less talk (messages are free you see). So you text your boyfriend all the time and mom who has failed to keep herself abreast with the short text language gets the few minutes if calling is free. Post-paid schemes….night calling at half rates!!! I haven’t got a better scheme yet dude. I can talk late nights with him and my family doesn’t stay awake late so I can spend the few minutes on high rate day calling on them. When was the last time you saw a self-written post card sent or received from your loved one? Missing the personal touch eh, the thought that he would have touched the same card that you are holding now or smelling his fragrance from the card reminding you of the intimacy you shared….fast forward, get to today’s world…what card…the e card?
The world really has got closer, you need not visit your relatives as you have video calling. You are glued to your laptop when working, blackberry to receive and send emails with zero time lapses and of course the Xbox….you need to unwind after a day’s work. Asking my dad on what would he do after his office and he would get the glitter in his eyes and say all the friends would meet below the apartment daily post dinner and chitchat, share happy and sad moments and advice each other. Over weekends it was cricket at the local street and all would look forward to it as the losing team would treat the winning one. What life man!!! And here I am spending on all the expensive gadgets to keep myself busy and still get depressed at the end of the week.
Now talking of the more advanced world …..Our self-made ecosystem…..our virtual world, the face books and messengers of the world. The good part is you get in touch with those whom you thought would never meet you in life, you also meet those whom you choose to be friends with without the boundaries of appearance and status.
But I want to draw your attention to the funnier side of being virtual and what I think when I read these……
LOL(laugh out loud) – when was the time you even laughed forget being loud…..i heard you have joined the laugh club where in each morning you go to a garden and pretend to laugh till your intestines blast….
ROFL (Roll on the floor and laugh)……I really want to see you do that….that would ensure I LOLJ
AFAIC or AFAICT – (As far as I am concerned/tell)….i could type the words faster than the acronym
AFB – (Away from brain)….when were you last thereJ
I can leave you thinking with the rest AISB, AMF, AWS and AYT……
Well not being too sarcastic and I agree we don’t have a lot of personal time, I wouldn’t even deny that our gen guys have more competition at work, put in longer hours, have complex business situations to deal with but given a deeper thought I believe and agree that people who think life is bigger than family or job or yourself am sure will give you a different perspective. I would leave you with this thought that we all have been given the same gift called “life” and differences in life between two individuals are a result of the choices he makes. So if I make a choice that I want to live my life to the fullest without pulling restrictive goals of managing a company, making babies, owning property or doing charity…I would still be happy. For me…it’s a journey…full of surprises and knowing myself better and thus Life’s Like That!!!!
PS- The next time you want to speak to a friend who is closer…just walk over to him don’t get to digital emotions. 
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Ani….The Girl Next Door!

“Can you repeat the drink and make it on the rocks” she said in a dejected feeble voice looking away from the bartender. She thought that in the journey she had lost the woman she once was, aggressive, confident and full of life. “Mam here’s your drink, would you like something to eat too” she did not answer to the bartender’s question. She was lost in the thoughts of what had been happening for the past one year. She loved him, had become very dependent on him and he loved her too but his anger had no bounds. She was high after her fourth drink but still the evening scar was fresh in her mind. She still remembered the fight they had in the car on the busy streets of Mathura road. “How can you not speak to your parents about us? They got you engaged, you said nothing and still you don’t want to speak to them about us? What do I ask for just us being together, just your hand. This has been going on for six months now.” Rohan’s rage was not a surprise to Ani. They had been together for 3 years now. But since she had been engaged to her parents’ wishes things had been worse. “I hate you for the way you are. Women like you who cannot make decisions have no right to live.” Tears rolled from Ani’s eyes she said nothing and as the car stopped at the signal she quietly got down.” She crossed over to the other side not noticing the speeding car through her tearful eyes. The car braked hard just missing her by an inch. The driver rolled the window to shout out “why are you using my car to die, there are other ways too, try those.” She looked at him and moved away.

“Mam here’s your phone, the charger is not working, and the battery is breathing its last.” Ani was brought to the present by the bartender. She took at the phone and kept aside and sipped the last bit of the drink left in her glass. “rrrrepeaat pleassse” is all she could say. The bartender cautioned her “Mam I suggest you shouldn’t have more, how will you go home?” Ani smiled and thought why would she go home now? She was here so that she could not be in her senses and be brave enough to end her life. It would pain less then she wondered. Rohan found her meek and unwanted, her parents did not understand her and there was no motive to go on further she thought. She picked her mobile and started reading the text messages. They were the only support that would bring her back when Rohan fought with her. He would then send a message apologizing for his hot temper and saying nice things to her. There were no messages this time though it had been six hours since she got down from the car. She clicked on new message and typed “your worry is over now” and sent flashed on the mobile. She sipped the drink as she was ready for what she had come to this dingy bar in Khan Market for. She couldn’t imagine that Rohan and she had spent hours at the Barista opposite this bar whispering sweet nothings to each other and today she was here to see her last bit. The phone beeped and Rohan messaged “where are you, I hope you are not at some ……….” The cell phone battery died.

The bar was abuzz now and people were staring at the pretty woman at the corner table sitting alone. Ani had given up on things but was not aware of the consequences could be. She was almost five drinks down and was not in a position to look around. Her head had started pounding hard and the rock music was hitting her badly. The stout bar owner was observing her from the last three hours and now knew that she wouldn’t take more. The group of young boys who just entered wanted the table and so he gestured the bartender to ask her to vacant the table. The bartender politely asked her if she would like to order something to eat. He was aware of how fast she has drunk. He was also aware that her mobile had given up and she was in no state to go home, he too was on duty and couldn’t do much. Ani instead asked for the cheque. She couldn’t read the amount on the bill, she dug her hand in the large purse she carried and pulled her hand out. It was the bottle of sleeping pills she had purchased in the evening telling the chemist she will get the prescription in half an hour. After a lot of effort she placed a thousand rupee note and tried to get up. She dropped on the seat. She again tried and got up. She felt extremely dizzy and nauseatic and could barely place her feet firm on the floor. The bar was dark and as she moved to the staircase, she held the railing and tried to concentrate on the steps. The stout bar owner followed her. The staircase was narrow and the bar owner stood behind her and whispered, where do you stay? Should I drop you home?”

Ani had a shocked expression when she turned towards him. She in one minute realized what trouble she was in and the consequences could be rude. She wanted to hurry and run towards the last step and out of the door but her senses gave way. She held the railing tight, her palms sweaty as she stepped down, the bar owner following her. The minute she opened the door there was gush of cool breeze that wrapped her. She missed a step on the road and fell on her knees. The bar owner had now closed in was about to pick her up as she muttered ‘please don’t’. She now knew she was in trouble and she wanted to end her life but not fall into wrong hands. The street was filled with people who had come to unwind after a day’s hard work and Ani was trying to make her way through the people. High alcohol consumption can disrupt the brain’s judgement of distances and heights. Same was Ani’s state at this time. She could see people looking at her and she was not finding it decent. Just try to cross the street and hopefully an auto could take me to my hostel she told herself. Now another group was passing comments on if they would take her where she wanted to go. Ani was not just awkward but also vulnerable and helpless as she had no control on herself.

She tried to hurry before the men closed in. They almost circled her on the end of the street. She had tears rolling and from the corner she was the white Santro DL2C ADXXXX with the door wide open. She saw Rohan rush towards her and push people aside saying she is with me, move away. He grabbed her in his arms and she held her shirt and burst in tears. He was the support she was trying to cling on to in order to get her feet firm on the road. He quickly made her sit in the car and got behind the wheel speaking aloud, “Do you know what I have gone through from the time I got your text message to reaching here. What if my gut feel would have been wrong. Do you realize you are so valuable to me? How could you even do this?”

She was almost unconscious as she knew she was in the safest hands in the world and just kept blabbering “I love you Rohan”

You may think if this is a movie part or a novel chapter….i think just one thing…Life’s Like That….

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MEN ARE LIKE RUBBER BANDS!!

John Gray in his book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus talks of men having an intimacy cycle which is much like a rubber band….

“they instinctively pull away. It is not a decision or a choice. It just happens. It is neither his fault nor her fault. It’s a natural cycle”

I agree with Gray on men being like rubber bands but it is not his decision or choice……nor his fault….dude is in serious misconception there!

Am sure all my women friends will have a déjà vu feeling when they hear the words…I am blank…a standard connotation used by the rightly called rubber bands  Interestingly my interpretation goes that men pull back as much as they can and then get reminded….some things would require mademoiselle and thus the rubber band is back to position!

So to be more precise John Gray also describes that men who are habitually insensitive or unavailable and who come to women when they need an ego boost or in his words get generally to get his needs met (mostly emotional) without fulfilling her needs…. here he got it right again but I see a different pattern now…

In these changing times we all, both men and women can have phases of being less tolerant and emotionally insensitive. With the high divorce rates and break-ups sky rocketing it is very natural to not be able to emotionally engage with someone on a healthy level for long periods of time.

For me it’s about foundation….the stone on which the relationship is based…if that stepping stone is strong…..let the rubber band stretch… it will surely come to position. Whatever we say both the sexes fail to exist without each other and for once let us women too agree…they aren’t that bad…it’s all on us to recognize if it’s not being a rubber band that comes back only to get the way and back again or a rubber band that stretches so much that breaks.

The argument continues……..

I will leave you on the fence with this liner from fml: ‘Today, my friend told me men can’t be trusted. I told her that wasn’t true; I have my husband’s password to his email but I never check it because I trust him. She bet me he was doing something bad, and to prove her wrong I looked. Turns out he has been cheating on me for 8 months’

Thoughts anyone……

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Pre-Prem, Post-Prem……Real Prem??

Pre-Prem, Post-Prem……Real Prem??
(*prem is a Sanskrit word meaning love)
Telephone, cell phone, going mobile or being virtual has made the world such a small place……you reckon? I don’t.
30 CHF or 150 INR – 1 GB internet, 90 minutes and unlimited text messages free!!!!!! We have divided our love based on the cell phone scheme we have whether its prepaid or postpaid. Pre-paid scheme more text messages and less talk (messages are free you see). So you text your boyfriend all the time and mom who has failed to keep herself abreast with the short text language gets the few minutes if calling is free. Post-paid schemes….night calling at half rates!!! I haven’t got a better scheme yet dude. I can talk late nights with him and my family doesn’t stay awake late so I can spend the few minutes on high rate day calling on them. When was the last time you saw a self-written post card sent or received from your loved one? Missing the personal touch eh, the thought that he would have touched the same card that you are holding now or smelling his fragrance from the card reminding you of the intimacy you shared….fast forward, get to today’s world…what card…the e card?
The world really has got closer, you need not visit your relatives as you have video calling. You are glued to your laptop when working, blackberry to receive and send emails with zero time lapses and of course the Xbox….you need to unwind after a day’s work. Asking my dad on what would he do after his office and he would get the glitter in his eyes and say all the friends would meet below the apartment daily post dinner and chitchat, share happy and sad moments and advice each other. Over weekends it was cricket at the local street and all would look forward to it as the losing team would treat the winning one. What life man!!! And here I am spending on all the expensive gadgets to keep myself busy and still get depressed at the end of the week.
Now talking of the more advanced world …..Our self-made ecosystem…..our virtual world, the face books and messengers of the world. The good part is you get in touch with those whom you thought would never meet you in life, you also meet those whom you choose to be friends with without the boundaries of appearance and status.
But I want to draw your attention to the funnier side of being virtual and what I think when I read these……
LOL(laugh out loud) – when was the time you even laughed forget being loud…..i heard you have joined the laugh club where in each morning you go to a garden and pretend to laugh till your intestines blast….
ROFL (Roll on the floor and laugh)……I really want to see you do that….that would ensure I LOLJ
AFAIC or AFAICT – (As far as I am concerned/tell)….i could type the words faster than the acronym
AFB – (Away from brain)….when were you last thereJ
I can leave you thinking with the rest AISB, AMF, AWS and AYT……
Well not being too sarcastic and I agree we don’t have a lot of personal time, I wouldn’t even deny that our gen guys have more competition at work, put in longer hours, have complex business situations to deal with but given a deeper thought I believe and agree that people who think life is bigger than family or job or yourself am sure will give you a different perspective. I would leave you with this thought that we all have been given the same gift called “life” and differences in life between two individuals are a result of the choices he makes. So if I make a choice that I want to live my life to the fullest without pulling restrictive goals of managing a company, making babies, owning property or doing charity…I would still be happy. For me…it’s a journey…full of surprises and knowing myself better and thus Life’s Like That!!!!
PS- The next time you want to speak to a friend who is closer…just walk over to him don’t get to digital emotions.
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Ani….The Girl Next Door!

“Can you repeat the drink and make it on the rocks” she said in a dejected feeble voice looking away from the bartender. She thought that in the journey she had lost the woman she once was, aggressive, confident and full of life. “Mam here’s your drink, would you like something to eat too” she did not answer to the bartender’s question. She was lost in the thoughts of what had been happening for the past one year. She loved him, had become very dependent on him and he loved her too but his anger had no bounds. She was high after her fourth drink but still the evening scar was fresh in her mind. She still remembered the fight they had in the car on the busy streets of Mathura road. “How can you not speak to your parents about us? They got you engaged, you said nothing and still you don’t want to speak to them about us? What do I ask for just us being together, just your hand. This has been going on for six months now.” Rohan’s rage was not a surprise to Ani. They had been together for 3 years now. But since she had been engaged to her parents’ wishes things had been worse. “I hate you for the way you are. Women like you who cannot make decisions have no right to live.” Tears rolled from Ani’s eyes she said nothing and as the car stopped at the signal she quietly got down.” She crossed over to the other side not noticing the speeding car through her tearful eyes. The car braked hard just missing her by an inch. The driver rolled the window to shout out “why are you using my car to die, there are other ways too, try those.” She looked at him and moved away.

“Mam here’s your phone, the charger is not working, and the battery is breathing its last.” Ani was brought to the present by the bartender. She took at the phone and kept aside and sipped the last bit of the drink left in her glass. “rrrrepeaat pleassse” is all she could say. The bartender cautioned her “Mam I suggest you shouldn’t have more, how will you go home?” Ani smiled and thought why would she go home now? She was here so that she could not be in her senses and be brave enough to end her life. It would pain less then she wondered. Rohan found her meek and unwanted, her parents did not understand her and there was no motive to go on further she thought. She picked her mobile and started reading the text messages. They were the only support that would bring her back when Rohan fought with her. He would then send a message apologizing for his hot temper and saying nice things to her. There were no messages this time though it had been six hours since she got down from the car. She clicked on new message and typed “your worry is over now” and sent flashed on the mobile. She sipped the drink as she was ready for what she had come to this dingy bar in Khan Market for. She couldn’t imagine that Rohan and she had spent hours at the Barista opposite this bar whispering sweet nothings to each other and today she was here to see her last bit. The phone beeped and Rohan messaged “where are you, I hope you are not at some ……….” The cell phone battery died.

The bar was abuzz now and people were staring at the pretty woman at the corner table sitting alone. Ani had given up on things but was not aware of the consequences could be. She was almost five drinks down and was not in a position to look around. Her head had started pounding hard and the rock music was hitting her badly. The stout bar owner was observing her from the last three hours and now knew that she wouldn’t take more. The group of young boys who just entered wanted the table and so he gestured the bartender to ask her to vacant the table. The bartender politely asked her if she would like to order something to eat. He was aware of how fast she has drunk. He was also aware that her mobile had given up and she was in no state to go home, he too was on duty and couldn’t do much. Ani instead asked for the cheque. She couldn’t read the amount on the bill, she dug her hand in the large purse she carried and pulled her hand out. It was the bottle of sleeping pills she had purchased in the evening telling the chemist she will get the prescription in half an hour. After a lot of effort she placed a thousand rupee note and tried to get up. She dropped on the seat. She again tried and got up. She felt extremely dizzy and nauseatic and could barely place her feet firm on the floor. The bar was dark and as she moved to the staircase, she held the railing and tried to concentrate on the steps. The stout bar owner followed her. The staircase was narrow and the bar owner stood behind her and whispered, where do you stay? Should I drop you home?”

Ani had a shocked expression when she turned towards him. She in one minute realized what trouble she was in and the consequences could be rude. She wanted to hurry and run towards the last step and out of the door but her senses gave way. She held the railing tight, her palms sweaty as she stepped down, the bar owner following her. The minute she opened the door there was gush of cool breeze that wrapped her. She missed a step on the road and fell on her knees. The bar owner had now closed in was about to pick her up as she muttered ‘please don’t’. She now knew she was in trouble and she wanted to end her life but not fall into wrong hands. The street was filled with people who had come to unwind after a day’s hard work and Ani was trying to make her way through the people. High alcohol consumption can disrupt the brain’s judgement of distances and heights. Same was Ani’s state at this time. She could see people looking at her and she was not finding it decent. Just try to cross the street and hopefully an auto could take me to my hostel she told herself. Now another group was passing comments on if they would take her where she wanted to go. Ani was not just awkward but also vulnerable and helpless as she had no control on herself.

She tried to hurry before the men closed in. They almost circled her on the end of the street. She had tears rolling and from the corner she was the white Santro DL2C ADXXXX with the door wide open. She saw Rohan rush towards her and push people aside saying she is with me, move away. He grabbed her in his arms and she held her shirt and burst in tears. He was the support she was trying to cling on to in order to get her feet firm on the road. He quickly made her sit in the car and got behind the wheel speaking aloud, “Do you know what I have gone through from the time I got your text message to reaching here. What if my gut feel would have been wrong. Do you realize you are so valuable to me? How could you even do this?”

She was almost unconscious as she knew she was in the safest hands in the world and just kept blabbering “I love you Rohan”

You may think if this is a movie part or a novel chapter….i think just one thing…Life’s Like That….

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MEN ARE LIKE RUBBER BANDS!!

MEN ARE LIKE RUBBER BANDS!!

John Gray in his book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus talks of men having an intimacy cycle which is much like a rubber band….

“they instinctively pull away. It is not a decision or a choice. It just happens. It is neither his fault nor her fault. It’s a natural cycle”

I agree with Gray on men being like rubber bands but it is not his decision or choice……nor his fault….dude is in serious misconception there!

Am sure all my women friends will have a déjà vu feeling when they hear the words…I am blank…a standard connotation used by the rightly called rubber bands  Interestingly my interpretation goes that men pull back as much as they can and then get reminded….some things would require mademoiselle and thus the rubber band is back to position!

So to be more precise John Gray also describes that men who are habitually insensitive or unavailable and who come to women when they need an ego boost or in his words get generally to get his needs met (mostly emotional) without fulfilling her needs…. here he got it right again but I see a different pattern now…

In these changing times we all, both men and women can have phases of being less tolerant and emotionally insensitive. With the high divorce rates and break-ups sky rocketing it is very natural to not be able to emotionally engage with someone on a healthy level for long periods of time.

For me it’s about foundation….the stone on which the relationship is based…if that stepping stone is strong…..let the rubber band stretch… it will surely come to position. Whatever we say both the sexes fail to exist without each other and for once let us women too agree…they aren’t that bad…it’s all on us to recognize if it’s not being a rubber band that comes back only to get the way and back again or a rubber band that stretches so much that breaks.

The argument continues……..

I will leave you on the fence with this liner from fml: ‘Today, my friend told me men can’t be trusted. I told her that wasn’t true; I have my husband’s password to his email but I never check it because I trust him. She bet me he was doing something bad, and to prove her wrong I looked. Turns out he has been cheating on me for 8 months’

Thoughts anyone……