Posted on

The Infinite Wait

 
„Are you upset at me, again? “ Ananya asked lovingly.

“Look, Anupam, I don’t like to be late on purpose you know
that. Now stop looking at me like that with a sullen face please.” She said
pushing the bunch of yellow lilies towards him.

One of the lilies moved with the breeze and touched his
face. She picked it, kissed it and kept it back again.

He always called her in this garden when the world would
want to meet for movies, coffee or restaurants. She felt it was their time
together where she could always talk at length, free without being nudged by
anyone.  

“Did I tell you about my dream…of course it was our dream?”
He remained silent looking at her radiant face and a strand of hair constantly
flowing from her cheek and getting stuck to her lips as she spoke. As the zephyr
played with her hair, she pulled the strand and neatly tucked it behind her ear
and it playfully flew on her cheek again. She let it be.

Anupam looked affectionately,
this dream came in as a harbinger
of the same story she repeated every time they met.

She started,” We
were sitting in this same park, talking sweet nothings to each other. Planning
the way we would want our parents to know about us. You did suggest you being
the only child of your parents; they should come and talk to mine.”

A ball came and
hit Anupam’s leg. Ananya playfully picked it up and threw it towards the child
and continued. “My brother came and asked me to reach home urgently as Ma had
fallen off the stairs. You immediately asked me to rush and promised me to come
back and meet you in this park.”

“Anupam, since
that day I have been coming here to meet you and ask you what happened and you
have just chosen to not respond.”

He said nothing
and sat in deadening stillness.

She too sat there
in silence, whining and coaxing to get an answer but in vain. The ingénue Ananya
as always picked up the flowers left it near him and left with a promise to
meet the next day.
 
मज़ार  -ए -कैस पर जब रूहे लैला इक दिन आयी 
तोह अरमानों के मुरझाए कुछ फूल भी लायी 
लगी जब फूल वह रखने तोह कब्र से आवाज़ आयी 
चढ़ाना फूल जानेमन मगर आहिस्ता आहिस्ता। 
Posted on

The Two Incomplete Halves.

 
 
She was
feeling everyone stare at her as she walked into the canteen to have tea.

“Do you
see her bob cut hair?” Shilpa whispered.

“And
where’s her cigarette, didn’t see her pack since morning.” Viral added.

“That’s what
rehabs do, don’t they? They get you rid of certain habits.” Shilpa chuckled
again.
Avoiding all the talk Ananya darted her way to the
farthest table of the canteen. She looked at her watch, it was just 16.00, two
more hours to go and she can avoid all talk and leave office, she thought to herself.
Ananya felt utterly disconcerted.

Just a table away, “Look Ananya is back, wo…she
looks different.”

“Yeah, she looks hotter with the new look.”

“No I mean, looks like her rehab rumor and 3 month sabbatical
sounds real now.”

“Wasn’t she involved with that tall guy?”

“Of course she was, in fact he left her I hear.”

“Anyway she is not worth it, sad, depressed.”

In trepidation Ananya grabbed her tea cup with both
hands and closed her eyes squeezing the cup hard trying to meditate and count
from 10 to 1 as the therapist had instructed in case she felt anxious and needed
to avoid negative thoughts.

10…

 “Why can’t
we be together Ananya?

09…..

“My parents would never agree to me marrying a non-Brahmin,
Rohan.”

08…

“We love each other, tell your parents nothing can
come between us.”

07…..

“Why don’t you understand, my parents have told me
to be away and not talk to you.”

06….

“Tell those pricks, enough is enough. Stop getting
emotionally blackmailed. Or else I will lose it.”

05….

“Why lose it Rohan, don’t say a word to my parents
ok?”

04….

“They are, in fact they are the worst parents
anyone can have, and they don’t understand your wishes. I will show them what I
am; they need to be taught a lesson.”

03….

“Stttoppp ittt Rohaaan, yooou starttted agaaiin.
Mmmy parrrentsss arree aaall I hhave; theeey hhhave ddd..done eeeverything fo..fo..foor
me. D..D..Don’t you abussse th..them.”

02….

“Ananya, I have lost it. Listen I don’t want a
thing from you. Just get lost you stammering b**** and ask your parents too.
You don’t deserve me. You are nothing but an incomplete sick stammering woman. I
leave you now.”

01…..

“R..R…R..Rohan…..”

00

“A…Ann..Annnaya.”

Ananya slammed a tight slap on his face as she
opened her eyes in rage. She was pulled back to reality. He stood there holding
his red cheek, tears welled up.

“The…teaaa..wwasss …spilllinnngg…ittt..woulldd…sc..sc..scald…you.
Sooo..ii thougghhtt …buutt you..”

“Yooou staaammmer? Whattt’s youuur n…name?” Ananya
asked looking straight into his eyes.

“A..A..A…Anupam.”

Ananya’s anxiety melted in a second. She had met
someone who was like her, a mirror image.

“D..D…D..Do yyou want tea?” The conversation had
just begun between the two incomplete halves.

 Note: Neither Ananya nor Anupam with their stammering were never incomplete, incomplete were those who could not understand them.

 
Posted on

The unwanted.



„What about these scars doctor? “she asked holding the mirror looking at her face.

“That’s alright; some scars take a lifetime to heal.” said Dr. Sunil in a pacifying tone.

“When can I leave, doctor?” She stared at the open window seeing the children play in the garden as the morning rays of sun fell on the freshly mowed garden.

“In a day or two Ananya.” exclaimed Dr. Sunil looking at the reports.

“Does she have the address?” he asked Bela privately. Bela nodded.

She gave one look at the hospital where she spent almost 18 months and picked up the bag filled with toys, a gift pack and a pair of her clothes that Bela had gifted her on Diwali.

“If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.”

“With closed ones too?”

“You don’t expect from strangers do you?”

She would have pulled the stuffed kangaroo and felt it and put it in her bag several times in the 5 hour train journey. She inquisitively looked outside the window thinking of how things get to normalcy, just didn’t seem that the state had the worst terrorist attack just 18 months back.

She was excited and nervous at the same time.

“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.”

“But that’s my family; they will support me and make me confident.”

“Hopefully, Amen.”

She reached the front courtyard, ‘Nayaks’ the name plate made by her still hung there. She felt it with her fingers before opening the gate to the front courtyard. She had replayed the scene of her daughter running to her, her husband so happy and pleasant hugging her so many times that she actually knew her words and had rehearsed them several times.

The door was open; as she entered she could see the toys lying in the living room giving her the assurance of her daughter will be in her arms in no time now. Her aunt came down the stairs and was frozen after seeing her. She took several minutes to react, followed by a forced hug.

“Aunty, aren’t you happy, surprised to see me?” Said Ananya looking at her aunt’s expressionless face.

After a long pause, “yes, Ananya, I am, in fact we did get a letter from the hospital just a day back of your return. Come sit in the living room.”

That wasn’t her aunt’s natural self. Why I am treated like an outsider, thought Ananya. She entered the living room; one look around felt as if the house was being taken care of. She each day would think how would they manage without her. In one corner she saw a small picture of her placed on the side table. She remembered the words of being confident and positive and after all it was natural for them to think she lost her life in the blast that took place when she had been to the market.

She sat on the edge of her sofa quietly rubbing her one feet on another, nervously clinging to her bag wanting nothing but to see her husband and daughter, she must have been 4 years by now.

After a while her daughter, Ira rushed in the living room, Ananya could no longer contain herself and broke down in tears as she grabbed her and hugged her hard. She swiftly removed all the toys she had got for her and placed her on her lap.

“Ira, did you miss mumma, my princess?”

Ira immediately rushed to her father and wrapped to his leg dropping the stuffed kangaroo on the way.

“Ananya.” called out Rohan.

She rose.

“How have you been?”

She was jolted by the formality that wrapped the question. It was nothing like what she had thought it to be.

“One ought to hold on to one’s heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too.”

“Why would I want to think with my head, my family needs my heart?”

“Depends on the situation and the circumstance, now you will always need both.”

She brought herself to reality and handed the gift she had got in his hands.

“Rohan, honey, are you home?” she said as she entered the house.

The voice sounded familiar as she walked straight to the living room and stood next to Rohan.

“Oh…” giving a startled look, “Ananya….it’s you.” She looked at Ananya and immediately glanced at Rohan.

That was Ruchi, her first cousin, but what was she doing in my house? Her addressing Rohan as honey, Ananya was trying to put the puzzle pieces in place when her aunt broke the ice, “I think you must be tired Ananya, why don’t you rest?”

“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.”

“What if I don’t like the change?”

“Then think what if you do not have a choice of changing the change?”

She picked her bag still blank at what was happening looking at the faces around knowing she was the unwanted one. She knew that Ruchi would have come to support her child as she was too young, but she had to know more. Ananya being an orphan was raised by her aunt and was not among those  jump at things and seek explanations.

“We tried really hard to find you for several months. Hospitals, police, posters all, but no trace. We finally placed your picture on the market square and even joined the candle march to force government to act.” Rohan said trying hard to sound convincing at the dinner table.

“It was generous of Ruchi, to then come here and take up the family responsibility for Ira….”added her aunt.

“And Rohan…” Ruchi completed pressing Rohan’s hand sitting next to him at the dinning.

“Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.”

“Can reality hurt?”

“Depends if what you want out of reality is not a dream.”

She had not uttered a word but been a silent listener. The pain she had lived in the past few hours was more than what she went through in her treatment of 18 months. She passed by to keep her plate when she overheard…

“How long has she come for?” Ruchi said in a hushed tone.

“I don’t know, I don’t think you need to overreact.” Rohan replied.

“And did you see her face, it’s full of scars, Ira will have nightmares every night. I can’t let her be here in my house. Get that straight.” She came out slamming the door behind her.

Ananya washed her plate and tip toed to the room. She sat on the bed and picked up the book with the grey writings of her conversations with Bela over the 18 months which Bela had penned and handed over before her leaving. The last page was an address and two notes of INR 1000 each.

“If you ever reach this page and feel the need, the doors are open and you have the address.”

Next day there was no trace of Ananya in the Nayak’s house.

She left a note, “I wasn’t a pile on Rohan and will never be; now my life awaits me.”

She came back to the hospital and Dr. Sunil employed her as an intern at his hospital. Her life had just begun.

 

Posted on

Sharmaji ka Happy Birthday!

„Hello Madam “Sharmaji yelled, looking up from his balcony at the flat above. “You, madam, yellow sari. Stop drying your clothes here, all water drops on my plants. My coriander has died twice.” He tried looking up again when a splash of water fell on his face along with the blouse that rested straight on his spectacles.

“Aye, uncle, whom are you calling yellow sari. If I don’t dry my clothes in balcony where do I?” Leena stretched her vocals to reach Sharma’s ears.

Loveleen ran to the balcony and pushed Sharmaji, “Arre Leenaji, please do dry your clothes and don’t mind what Sharmaji just said.”

She held him by his arm and as he moved the piece of cloth and tried cleaning the lens “Don’t you realise she gives us curd, sugar when we run out of it, I have few friends don’t you get cross at her.”

Sharmaji got busy reading the maintenance bill dated 25thJuly, 2014 (today) adjusting his spectacles not heeding to any of what his wife said.

Meet Vinod Sharma, 44 year old, sorry 43 years, 11 months and 29 days old insurance agent with State bank of India.  He stays in a 1 BHK house in Dadar with his wife Loveleen (38) and 2 daughters Pinky (16) and Gutti (12).

“Oh that Tiwari has again charged me interest on maintenance; I will show him now and teach him what he has not learnt in his MBA.” He murmured frustrated wearing his shirt.

“Sharmaji, don’t wear the shirt out and comb your hair before going. No doubt people call me your eldest daughter. Do get your medical report before coming.”

Sharmaji opened the door “I will get that tomorrow, Loveleen” and Pinky barged in, “Hi dad.”

“Call me papa.” He muttered still engrossed reading the bill walking out.

“Mom, we will have a surprise party for dad’s birthday day after. My friend, Joe has started a DJ and catering service. I have promised him to be his first good luck customer.” Pinky exclaimed in a typical teenager tone.

“Do what you like, we have a budget of Rs. 2000 including gift. You have to manage in that.” Loveleen warned.

**********************************************************************************

“Hello, myself Vinod Sharma, have my reports arrived?” Sharmaji enquired at the hospital.

“Gupte, get me Sharma’s report, put on today’s date, 26thJuly; 2014” retorted the plump lab assistant of DR. Shroff.  Gupte, a 68 year old admin found Sharmaji’s report among the lot that was stacked and handed it to the assistant.

“Take the report and wait for the doctor, he wants to meet you.” She directed Sharmaji.

Sharmaji sat on the posh leather sofa thinking these hospitals are no less than a 5 star hotels. He looked at the semi-nude paintings from a renowned painter what they these days call as investments. The 3 Sony LEDs played different channels as people in the waiting room got glued to each of them. The audience was clear, the 50 plus to the screen playing news, the women on the daily soap operas and the youngsters which had a B grade hero moving his booty to a C grade song, which after putting on spectacles read TOOH, whatever it meant.

“Vinod Sharma, third cabin from left.” the lab assistant called out.

“Sharmaji, do you have a very hectic life, are you too stressed?” Dr. Shroff was a leading Oncologist in town. Sharmaji has a family history of cancer and thus had a norm of getting a yearly regular check-up.

“No, why doctor.I mean who doesn’t these days.” Sharmaji asked puzzled.

“See it happens, life these days is stressful and there are treatments for everything.” said the doctor patiently.

“Doctor, what are you talking about? What has happened to me? Be clear before my heart pops out of my body.” Sharmaji said nervously fidgeting with his shirt corner.

“Ok, you have a rare cancer; it is grade III and stage III. Not much can be done but treatment and hope.”

Sharmaji could not believe what he had just heard. There was no point in doubting the doctor. The drudgeries of life had made him restless, anxious and to an extent pessimist.

“How much time do I have, doctor?” The typical filmy question, as he wiped the sweat of his brow and tears that had welled up under his glasses.

“4-6 months, with treatment we can delay it, don’t you worry.” Doctor placed his hand on Sharmaji’s trying to give hope.

“I am a dying man, what difference does it make 6 months or a year” Sharmaji stood up dejected, picked up his report and turned to leave.

He kept reading the report  which made no sense to him listening to zindagi kaisi hai paheli haaye that played the autorickshaw…..thinking of his investments and insurance policy that he can leave for his family.

Sharma reached home, did not eat lunch and had a few morsels for dinner. He started looking more ill than he felt. His voice mellowed with every response to his family. He kissed his daughters again and again.

*****************************************************************************

“How many times have I told you, do not watch movies early morning?” He yelled at Gutti.

“Dad, it’s not morning, its 10 am and its 27th July, 2014, a Sunday!” She energetically said.

Brought back to reality, Sharma opened his diary (he decided to keep one since he left the doctors) and marked the day in tally mark III, “yes beta, Please watch, by the way what movie are you watching.” He said in the softest tone his daughter had ever heard.

“Eh?” she said surprised at his tone. “Dasvidaniya, meaning goodbye, the best part is the hero puts on the list of ten things to be done before death.” She replies her eyes glued to the TV.

“Oh, who can relate it more than me?” He whispered to himself, thinking no one remembers his birthday.. Well good for them, they will get over my loss soon, thinking to himself.

**********************************************************************************

Sharmaji had slept more in the last three days than he had in the entire month. After all he was suffering from a fatal disease and had only some time left. He got up from his bed at 7.00 pm and walked to the living room.

“Happpppyyyy Birthday Dad!!!!¨” cheered Pinky among all the relatives and friends.

“Call me pa….You can call me dad” he said with a half-smile as people surrounded to wish him.

He was overwhelmed, nervous, and sad but had thought of keeping all happy for whatever of him was left.

Relatives made merry, talked to him and his answers got even more philosophical.

The DJ blew the speakers as his daughters and friends danced to TOOH. Loveleen served starters as Sharmaji sat at the table looking at the burning candles on the cake.

“Sharmaji, I am extremely sorry, I will not dry my clothes in the balcony now and you can eat your coriander.” Leena chuckled.

“Your clothes have more life than I do, I am a dying coriander.” said Sharmaji.

“Oh you are a humorous man.” Leena replied.

What a dying man has but humor, Sharma thought to himself when Loveleen gestured him to attend a phone call for him.  

He picked up with a more than sad “Hello, myself Vinod Sharma.”

“Sharmaji, I am lab assistant from Dr. Shroff’s hospital, I am really sorry the report you have is of another patient. Your reports are normal and you have no cancer. Our admin, Gupte, not being good at computers, typed the wrong name and mixed it. We are really sorry. Please forgive this. You have no disease.” The line cut abruptly.

Sharma could not believe what he has just heard. On one hand he was angry at the so called high class hospitals but the happiness exceeded his anger, he ran to the room like a guy in his 20’s and shouted out of happiness. He relished the starters and the cake, joked and lightly flirted with Leena and even danced to TOOH. However Vinod Sharma being him, did not forget to ask the DJ how much had his daughters blew cash on his birthday.

 
Posted on

Sharmaji ka Happy Birthday!

„Hello Madam “Sharmaji yelled, looking up from his balcony
at the flat above. “You, madam, yellow sari. Stop drying your clothes here, all
water drops on my plants. My coriander has died twice.” He tried looking up
again when a splash of water fell on his face along with the blouse that rested
straight on his spectacles.

“Aye, uncle, whom are you calling yellow sari. If I don’t dry
my clothes in balcony where do I?” Leena stretched her vocals to reach Sharma’s ears.

Loveleen ran to the balcony and pushed Sharmaji, “Arre
Leenaji, please do dry your clothes and don’t mind what Sharmaji just said.”

She held him by his arm and as he moved the piece of cloth
and tried cleaning the lens “Don’t you realise she gives us curd, sugar when we
run out of it, I have few friends don’t you get cross at her.”

Sharmaji got busy reading the maintenance bill dated 25th
July, 2014 (today) adjusting his spectacles not heeding to any of what his wife
said.

Meet Vinod Sharma, 44 year old, sorry 43 years, 11 months
and 29 days old insurance agent with State bank of India.  He stays in a 1 BHK house in Dadar with his
wife Loveleen (38) and 2 daughters Pinky (16) and Gutti (12).

“Oh that Tiwari has again charged me interest on maintenance;
I will show him now and teach him what he has not learnt in his MBA.” He murmured
frustrated wearing his shirt.

“Sharmaji, don’t wear the shirt out and comb your hair
before going. No doubt people call me your eldest daughter. Do get your medical
report before coming.”

Sharmaji opened the door “I will get that tomorrow, Loveleen”
and Pinky barged in, “Hi dad.”

“Call me papa.” He muttered still engrossed reading the bill
walking out.

“Mom, we will have a surprise party for dad’s birthday day
after. My friend, Joe has started a DJ and catering service. I have promised
him to be his first good luck customer.” Pinky exclaimed in a typical teenager tone.

“Do what you like, we have a budget of Rs. 2000 including
gift. You have to manage in that.” Loveleen warned.

**********************************************************************************

“Hello, myself Vinod Sharma, have my reports arrived?”
Sharmaji enquired at the hospital.

“Gupte, get me Sharma’s report, put on today’s date, 26th
July; 2014” retorted the plump lab assistant of DR. Shroff.  Gupte, a 68 year old admin found Sharmaji’s
report among the lot that was stacked and handed it to the assistant.

“Take the report and wait for the doctor, he wants to meet
you.” She directed Sharmaji.

Sharmaji sat on the posh leather sofa thinking these hospitals
are no less than a 5 star hotels. He looked at the semi-nude paintings from a renowned
painter what they these days call as investments. The 3 Sony LEDs played
different channels as people in the waiting room got glued to each of them. The
audience was clear, the 50 plus to the screen playing news, the women on the
daily soap operas and the youngsters which had a B grade hero moving his booty
to a C grade song, which after putting on spectacles read TOOH, whatever it meant.

“Vinod Sharma, third cabin from left.” the lab assistant called
out.

“Sharmaji, do you have a very hectic life, are you too
stressed?” Dr. Shroff was a leading Oncologist in town. Sharmaji has a family
history of cancer and thus had a norm of getting a yearly regular check-up.

“No, why doctor.I mean who doesn’t these days.” Sharmaji asked puzzled.

“See it happens, life these days is stressful and there are
treatments for everything.” said the doctor patiently.

“Doctor, what are you talking about? What has happened to
me? Be clear before my heart pops out of my body.” Sharmaji said nervously fidgeting
with his shirt corner.

“Ok, you have a rare cancer; it is grade III and stage III.
Not much can be done but treatment and hope.”

Sharmaji could not believe what he had just heard. There was
no point in doubting the doctor. The drudgeries of life had made him restless,
anxious and to an extent pessimist.

“How much time do I have, doctor?” The typical filmy
question, as he wiped the sweat of his brow and tears that had welled up under his glasses.

“4-6 months, with treatment we can delay it, don’t you
worry.” Doctor placed his hand on Sharmaji’s trying to give hope.

“I am a dying man, what difference does it make 6 months or a year”
Sharmaji stood up dejected, picked up his report and turned to leave.

He kept reading the report  which made no sense to him listening
to zindagi kaisi hai paheli haaye that played the autorickshaw…..thinking
of his investments and insurance policy that he can leave for his family.

Sharma reached home, did not eat lunch and had a few morsels
for dinner. He started looking more ill than he felt. His voice mellowed with
every response to his family. He kissed his daughters again and again.

*****************************************************************************

“How many times have I told you, do not watch movies early
morning?” He yelled at Gutti.

“Dad, it’s not morning, its 10 am and its 27th July,
2014, a Sunday!” She energetically said.

Brought back to reality, Sharma opened his diary (he decided
to keep one since he left the doctors) and marked the day in tally mark III,
“yes beta, Please watch, by the way what movie are you watching.” He said
in the softest tone his daughter had ever heard.

“Eh?” she said surprised at his tone. “Dasvidaniya, meaning
goodbye, the best part is the hero puts on the list of ten things to be done before death.” She replies her
eyes glued to the TV.

“Oh, who can relate it more than me?” He whispered to
himself, thinking no one remembers his birthday.. Well good for them, they will
get over my loss soon, thinking to himself.

**********************************************************************************

Sharmaji had slept more in the last three days than he had
in the entire month. After all he was suffering from a fatal disease and had
only some time left. He got up from his bed at 7.00 pm and walked to the living
room.

“Happpppyyyy Birthday Dad!!!!¨” cheered Pinky among all the
relatives and friends.

“Call me pa….You can call me dad” he said with a half-smile
as people surrounded to wish him.

He was overwhelmed, nervous, and sad but had thought of
keeping all happy for whatever of him was left.

Relatives made merry, talked to him and his answers got even
more philosophical.

The DJ blew the speakers as his daughters and friends danced
to TOOH. Loveleen served starters as Sharmaji sat at the table looking at the
burning candles on the cake.

“Sharmaji, I am extremely sorry, I will not dry my clothes
in the balcony now and you can eat your coriander.” Leena chuckled.

“Your clothes have more life than I do, I am a dying
coriander.” said Sharmaji.

“Oh you are a humorous man.” Leena replied.

What a dying man has but humor, Sharma thought to himself
when Loveleen gestured him to attend a phone call for him.  

He picked up with a more than sad “Hello, myself Vinod
Sharma.”

“Sharmaji, I am lab assistant from Dr. Shroff’s hospital, I am
really sorry the report you have is of another patient. Your reports are normal
and you have no cancer. Our admin, Gupte, not being good at computers, typed
the wrong name and mixed it. We are really sorry. Please forgive this. You have no disease.”
The line cut abruptly.

Sharma could not believe what he has just heard. On one hand
he was angry at the so called high class hospitals but the happiness exceeded his
anger, he ran to the room like a guy in his 20’s and shouted out of happiness.
He relished the starters and the cake, joked and lightly flirted with Leena and
even danced to TOOH. However Vinod Sharma being him, did not forget to ask the
DJ how much had his daughters blew cash on his birthday.

 
Posted on

It takes two to Tango!

“The tea is on the table. “ She said in a disconcerting tone as she sat on the adjacent chair of the round dining table with 4 chairs.
“You know I have never had tea without you, Ananya.” He replied in a consoling tone.

“So?” She exclaimed.

“Why do you always think I am at fault? Is asking for your time and hearing you are busy my lookout? You should have never got married if you didn’t have time for me.” She grabbed her breath by the time the last words came out of her mouth.

“I promise I will take care, Ananya. I will try really hard to live up to your expectations.” He lovingly said picking up the yellow lilies and presenting it to her. “I love you, now hug me.” He demanded.

“No, you hug me.” She hushed, looking at the flowers and smelling them.

He got up and embraced her tight.

******************************************************************************

Ananya sat at the table looking at the phone; she picked it up the 17th time to check for messages. All she saw was he last sent, “You never have time for me, all I hear is I am busy.”

She put the phone down again, wishing there were an alarm that warned, “You are seeing your phone too much!”

Restless and anxious she walked up and down the living room, glancing at the tea cup, phone, chair and door…as she paced up through the room….tea cup, phone, chair, door…tea cup, phone, chair and door..tea cup, phone, chair and door!
She played the scene again and again in her mind to the extent that she edited it and was ready for a hug the minute the doorbell would ring.

The doorbell rang; she rushed to open it…

Door open!

Arms almost ready!

“Madam, bag, sahib aayenge abhi!” I just missed a faux pas, she thought to herself.

She dejectedly tuned to walk back, tea cup, phone, chair…

Footsteps…

She turned!

“Sharma, I don’t know anything, you got to make the payment available. I am answerable to my senior.” He rushed in talking to someone, straight to his bed room!

Ananya sat at the chair and sipped the tea, scrolling through the WhatsApp forwards on her phone!
Posted on

Moonstruck! First Valentine!

For the corporate world, the celebration
for the occassion is when time permits. So after a marathon of two back to back
RFPs and heaps of work…I realised Valentines came and passed like a fast train
that does not stop infront of a passenger waiting at the station 🙁

Not really isn’t it…so here’s wishing all
my dearest readers a very very happy Valentine’s day.

She stormed in through the door pushing the
waiter aside walking straight at the end of the restaurant. The waiter turned
and so did all the young couples seated to celebrate the occasion. The slow
jazz in her head had been replaced with hard rock where the image she saw in a
split second was playing like a leaf falling from a tree in slow motion again
and again.

She dumped herself on the last large round
corner table, which was beautifully laid with a white laced tablecloth, flowers
neatly arranged, a red candle lit next to ‘reserved’ label placed. She was
neither in a state nor mood to notice any detail around. Her head was on fire
and her tears were play hide and seek of not embarrassing her in public.

“How could he?” she said to herself
disconsolately.

“Who?” a voice fell on her ears like the
cold breeze that comes through when you open the window to a heated room.

She tried to look at the frame on the other
side of the candle; the candle light was not enough to get a glimpse more than
a white shirt, a side of a neck and his lips.

She was shaken from her thoughts, “I am
sorry, this is reserved.” She said trying to get up noticing the label placed
on the table.

“No, it’s not reserved, it’s complicated,
you can sit here!” he said on a lighter note. As she stood he noticed her over
the candle light in a beautiful white dress, long earrings that dangled and
playfully touching her shoulders, her delicate hands holding yellow lilies
making a perfect combination against her white background.  She kept moving her bracelet against her
wrist with one hand making a public display of her mental state. She was in six
inch stilettoes, moving her weight from one foot to another making it obvious
she wasn’t used to them.

“You may sit, till you gather yourself.” He
gestured with his hand. She noticed his hand, sleeves rolled up, strong hands,
long fingers.

She sat dropping the flowers next to the
gift, “I don’t need to gather myself, I did all I could.”

“Am sure you did, I mean flowers, gift
and…what more could you do.” His voice had a charm and she could feel the
chuckle.

“and…”

“I mean and you, perfect for the occasion,
isn’t it, so I truly agree how could he?” now she could see his smile too.

“I never thought it would be her, I saw
them today, hand in hand, kissing zealously.”

“oh so that the problem, he kissed her.
Anyway, I am Rohan. He said moving his hand towards her.

“Hi, I am Ananya, she shook his hand
hesitantly and immediately took it back.” She hadn’t felt rougher hands than
those. “and that’s not the problem….I mean the kissing bit.”

“Then…the hand in hand bit…btw nice to meet
you Ananya.” He chortled again.

“No, it’s my 25th birthday
today.”

“Ah, that’s the problem Ananya, It
shouldn’t be women get better with age.”

“Ahhh, no, it is him with her, thats the
problem.” She at last blurted out.

The waiter stood there like the hour hand
of the clock looking at the minute and the second’s hand.

“Now what?” she looked arrow straight at
him.

“Can you please get us two white wines and
something to eat please?” Rohan directed the hour hand to move.

“Vegetarian” the seconds hand announced.

“So he with her, how long?” Rohan tried
getting analytical.

“I don’t know, I don’t want to know, she
didn’t look great, I thought my birthday would be a big thing for him, at least
that’s what he said a few days back. And this was my first formal Valentine.”

“Formal?”

“Yes for the rest, I just told my friends I
had one, but actually sat back home watching movies and munching popcorn. Are
you writing something?”

“ahhh get that, so formal Valentine.” He
paused, “Writing, no, nothing.”

The wine arrived and so did the VEG
starters. Rohan raised the glass and looked at her; she had plunged into the
eateries.”

He raised his glass, “Happy Birthday
Ananya”…Ananya gave a puzzled look with her mouth stuffed.

“You know I have been starving since last 2
months, to look the best this day…and he just didn’t care…now I realise, I am
so hungry.”

“Mission accomplished, eat to your hearts
content.”

She spoke of her quirks and he heard it
with delight giving her a new perspective to look at things. A long dinner went
on for 2 hours exchanging details about her.

“And that’s how I fell for him; I was so
looking forward to have him as my valentine and to exchange gifts, but the
sight I saw. I would never speak to him ever.”

“Ananya!” Rohan stopped her from
whining further and came a little close to her and sat next to her.

She saw him, “Ruffled hair, sharp eyes and
nose, thin lips, light stubble and his strong arms made him look very handsome.

“Ananya” he shook her from her reverie.
There is nothing that ever is bad, everything happens for a reason and happens
for good, okay!

For Ananya, she has fallen in love at
first sight…”yes” she murmured hiding her admiration being exposed.

“Do you love or miss him?”

“No, I realise I don’t but it was my first
valentine, I had thought of a lovely dinner, flowers, exchange of gifts….”

“Did you have one already?” he smiled.

She realised the candle light, the
beautiful ambience, then flowers…it was all there.

He picked up a flower from the vase, “Will
you be my Valentine?”

“Yes, I will…” she was happiness
personified. “But my gift?”

“Oh..” he made a gloomy face and handed
over a piece of paper to her, “will this do?”

She was mesmerised at what she saw, a
beautiful portrait of hers. “It looks so live, thank you…I …I don’t believe you
drew me so well. Thank you…I mean…”

“Shhhh…so now you have a gift too.” I am an
artist, had come to capture some valentine moments for my story…with no idea I
would meet my Valentine here.

“Can I drop you home?” Ananya offered, “I
promise I wouldn’t whine now.”

“Okay, let’s go, I wouldn’t let you whine
ever.”

 

Posted on

Just a little more….Life!

She found herself running endlessly towards the light
at the end of the tunnel. It was as if she would breathe only if she reached
that light. She looked around just to find pitch darkness; she felt tired at
times but could not stop and kept running. She would look around again and
again but it was too dark to see anything. She did not understand what made her
run; she did not once look behind. The road looked endless, one look at her
made her feel she was feather light. She wore a white satin gown, free flowing,
weightless.  She looked around again and could see her face on the
wall of the tunnel, her face looked radiant, it had the glow she had never seen
and she felt happy like never before and beautiful than ever. Where the light
wrinkles she had seen a couple of days are gone? She thought to herself as she
kept running. She turned her face to the other side of the tunnel and could see
a girl in a mother’s arms; the mother delighted looking at the bundle of joy.

There were people whom she recognised and some she didn’t. She placed her
fingers on her brow and tried to recollect a man standing next to the mother
but just couldn’t. She looked again and saw a young girl in school listening
attentively to her teacher; the image vanished in a jiffy. She could then see
her young self with her best friend laughing and enjoying. When was the last time
she laughed that loud, she wondered? By now the images on the walls of the
tunnel had completely captivated her and she had forgotten of the tunnel, the
run and the distance. She could see her beloved on his knees holding a ring
proposing her, she hadn’t been so happy ever. These flashes would appear and
disappear rapidly and being replaced by the next one. She wanted to think or
say something but was not able to. She saw her husband and daughter sitting on
a dining table praying. She wanted to run towards her daughter but couldn’t
change course of her path.

She closed her eyes but could see the images, the ones
she saw on the wall. Everything was clear when she heard shouts and opened her
eyes startled. She was confounded and looked down; she saw her feet were above
the ground as she ran towards the light. Completely mystified she tried to stop
running but couldn’t stop her feet. She heard shouts again and a big thump on
her chest as if a train in full velocity had hit her chest, she ran faster
towards the light and another big jolt! She couldn’t contain it in herself any
further. She was perplexed at the thought of her running without her feet on
the ground, the light at the end of the tunnel seemed very far now.

The last
one came as a thunderbolt pushing her on her chest so hard that she fell
backwards as if being sucked by the vacuum towards the other side of the light.
She could see being pulled and the light at the end of the tunnel vanishing in
a distance. It was so quick she had no time to react. The ‘pulse is back,
doctor! She is back!’ ….the words sounded like a distant echo….’it’s a miracle,
doctor, the defibrillator worked!’ She opened her eyes at a hazy frame of a man
in a white coat and a young woman standing next to him. 

Posted on

Relationships and more……..

Revati tried hard to find the key hole but the number of
drinks she had that evening were impairing her vision. After some struggle she
managed to open the door of her 5000 sq. feet duplex apartment at Malabar hill.
The motion sensors detected she was around and lights flashed as she looked
around the lavish living room, all things in order and at the right place. The 16
seater pure leather imported sofa and the huge crystal chandelier were as
lifeless as the Guido Daniele painting of the woman posed on a bench
overlooking Slizza river in Italy. She flung her Louis Vuitton bag on the
sofa and balanced her way leaving her stilettos on the way towards the bed
room.
Revati was a socialite wife of Raghu, V. N. Raghupati CEO of
Assureinvest a venture capitalist firm. A simple but sharp soul, Raghu was complete
opposite of his spouse. Punctual and a man of few words he had strong family
values. Their marriage happiness of 8 years was inversely proportional to Raghu’s
bank balance. This was the very reason Raghu preferred to spend more time at
work than return to an empty house.
Raghu at work was a no non-sense person and appreciated
intelligence over hard work. His new hire Deepshikha was just the dependable
resource Raghu was looking for. She had to be told little and she understood
her work well. Assureinvest was Deepshi’s third job in a career of 6 years. She
understood the pulse of the job market well and knew when to switch to get paid
better. Her sole motive was a higher figure on the salary slip and with her diligence
she knew how to get that. Deepshi and Gaurav met at business school and lost
their hearts to each other. Gaurav loved Deepshi’s sharpness and Deepshi purely
fell for Gaurav’s looks and his Salsa moves. Both tied the knot against parent’s
wishes and moved to a 3 bedroom flat at Goregoan. An Emi of 70,000 and a car
loan made Deepshi change her job often and Gaurav take up salsa classes after
work. Gaurav’s clientele were crème de la crème of Mumbai most of them
socialites including Revati. Gaurav and Deepshi’s 6 years of marriage became a
transactional relationship of money transfers to bank accounts and sticky notes
on the refrigerator the only way of communication between them.  Sometimes the messages were communicated by
Seema their maid who kept a set of house key to complete the house hold chores
without disturbing Gaurav who would return home past midnight.
Seema was with Deepshi since her marriage, she was
trustworthy but in a painful relation with Govind. Govind was Seema’s husband’s
friend and moved with her as a support after her husband died leaving two
children behind. Govind turned alcoholic and would rob Seema of all the money
she earned.  He had just landed an office
boy’s job when Deepshi referred him to Raghu in order to reduce Seema burden.
It was the evening of 16th March 2012 when Deepshi
was preparing for the quarterly audit with Govind moving busily out of Raghu’s
cabin taking signatures on relevant papers. It was around mid-night when
Deepshi entered Raghu’s cabin, he was sitting on the wide parapet of the office
his back facing an open window, his legs rested on an Osim massager chair with
a glass of Glenlivet in his hand. Deepshi reluctant turned to leave when Raghu
asked her to sit. She noticed the generally dressed in a suit Raghu today in a
shirt crumpled around the waist as if it was pulled hard. His eyes were red,
this was the first time she noticed the handsome man that Raghu was. His ruffled
hair, slight grey side locks, his strong arms showed under his sleeves rolled
till the elbow. Feeling uncomfortable with the silence she rose once again to
leave when the wheels of the chair which Raghu rested his feet on moved and he
lost his balance. Deepshi ran towards him and pulled his hand to stop him
from falling off the window. He fell on her triggering the dearth of physical
touch he had faced in the past years. He hugged her tight; Deepshi did not
resist and gave in to his dominance.
Seema rushed to the hospital as her son had fallen off stairs
and needed to be admitted. Not knowing where to go she reached Deepshi’s apartment
to ask for money. She opened the flat with the set of keys she had and rushed
in. Her pace slowed as she saw the stilettoes lying on the floor, as she moved
further she saw a Burberry evening gown flung on the ground, she understood
that wasn’t Deepshi’s.  She could hear
giggles and whispers from the bed room. Not knowing what to do, she decided to
leave when she glanced on the open bag on the dinning. She could see a
bundle of notes, she tip toed and grabbed the money and moved out to save her
son.
Flash forward….October 2013, Deepshi changed the music to classical
as Raghu started his Audi Q5. He grabbed Deepshi’s hand and kissed it before
buckling his seat belt. They reached the apartment; she waited in the car as
Raghu went to Revati’s 16th floor apartment to deliver the signed
divorce papers. He was about to ring the bell when he heard Gaurav and Revati
arguing over something. He chose to leave the papers at the door. On the way
back they dropped in at Seema’s to deliver the Diwali bonus. Now the 5000 sq.
feet house name plate reads Deepshi and Raghu’s. May be now it’s not just a
house, its home!
Will leave you with one of my favorite songs…
रिश्ते तोह नहीं रिश्तों की पर्छैयाँ मिले 
यह कैसी भीड़ है बस यहाँ तन्हाईयाँ मिले।
इक छत के तले अजनबी हो जाते हैं रिश्ते 
बिस्तर पे चादरों से चुप हो जातें है रिश्ते।
ढूंढे से भी इनमें नहीं गर्मियाँ मिले।
यह कैसी भीड़ है बस यहाँ तन्हाईयाँ मिले।
जिसको भी देखिये वो अधूरासा है यहाँ 
जैसे कहीं हो और वो आधा रखा हुआ।
हो जब जहाँ जुड़े वही जुदाइयाँ मिले 
यह कैसी भीड़ है बस यहाँ तन्हाईयाँ मिले।
Posted on

Ani….The Girl Next Door!

“Can you repeat the drink and make it on the rocks” she said in a dejected feeble voice looking away from the bartender. She thought that in the journey she had lost the woman she once was, aggressive, confident and full of life. “Mam here’s your drink, would you like something to eat too” she did not answer to the bartender’s question. She was lost in the thoughts of what had been happening for the past one year. She loved him, had become very dependent on him and he loved her too but his anger had no bounds. She was high after her fourth drink but still the evening scar was fresh in her mind. She still remembered the fight they had in the car on the busy streets of Mathura road. “How can you not speak to your parents about us? They got you engaged, you said nothing and still you don’t want to speak to them about us? What do I ask for just us being together, just your hand. This has been going on for six months now.” Rohan’s rage was not a surprise to Ani. They had been together for 3 years now. But since she had been engaged to her parents’ wishes things had been worse. “I hate you for the way you are. Women like you who cannot make decisions have no right to live.” Tears rolled from Ani’s eyes she said nothing and as the car stopped at the signal she quietly got down.” She crossed over to the other side not noticing the speeding car through her tearful eyes. The car braked hard just missing her by an inch. The driver rolled the window to shout out “why are you using my car to die, there are other ways too, try those.” She looked at him and moved away.

“Mam here’s your phone, the charger is not working, and the battery is breathing its last.” Ani was brought to the present by the bartender. She took at the phone and kept aside and sipped the last bit of the drink left in her glass. “rrrrepeaat pleassse” is all she could say. The bartender cautioned her “Mam I suggest you shouldn’t have more, how will you go home?” Ani smiled and thought why would she go home now? She was here so that she could not be in her senses and be brave enough to end her life. It would pain less then she wondered. Rohan found her meek and unwanted, her parents did not understand her and there was no motive to go on further she thought. She picked her mobile and started reading the text messages. They were the only support that would bring her back when Rohan fought with her. He would then send a message apologizing for his hot temper and saying nice things to her. There were no messages this time though it had been six hours since she got down from the car. She clicked on new message and typed “your worry is over now” and sent flashed on the mobile. She sipped the drink as she was ready for what she had come to this dingy bar in Khan Market for. She couldn’t imagine that Rohan and she had spent hours at the Barista opposite this bar whispering sweet nothings to each other and today she was here to see her last bit. The phone beeped and Rohan messaged “where are you, I hope you are not at some ……….” The cell phone battery died.

The bar was abuzz now and people were staring at the pretty woman at the corner table sitting alone. Ani had given up on things but was not aware of the consequences could be. She was almost five drinks down and was not in a position to look around. Her head had started pounding hard and the rock music was hitting her badly. The stout bar owner was observing her from the last three hours and now knew that she wouldn’t take more. The group of young boys who just entered wanted the table and so he gestured the bartender to ask her to vacant the table. The bartender politely asked her if she would like to order something to eat. He was aware of how fast she has drunk. He was also aware that her mobile had given up and she was in no state to go home, he too was on duty and couldn’t do much. Ani instead asked for the cheque. She couldn’t read the amount on the bill, she dug her hand in the large purse she carried and pulled her hand out. It was the bottle of sleeping pills she had purchased in the evening telling the chemist she will get the prescription in half an hour. After a lot of effort she placed a thousand rupee note and tried to get up. She dropped on the seat. She again tried and got up. She felt extremely dizzy and nauseatic and could barely place her feet firm on the floor. The bar was dark and as she moved to the staircase, she held the railing and tried to concentrate on the steps. The stout bar owner followed her. The staircase was narrow and the bar owner stood behind her and whispered, where do you stay? Should I drop you home?”

Ani had a shocked expression when she turned towards him. She in one minute realized what trouble she was in and the consequences could be rude. She wanted to hurry and run towards the last step and out of the door but her senses gave way. She held the railing tight, her palms sweaty as she stepped down, the bar owner following her. The minute she opened the door there was gush of cool breeze that wrapped her. She missed a step on the road and fell on her knees. The bar owner had now closed in was about to pick her up as she muttered ‘please don’t’. She now knew she was in trouble and she wanted to end her life but not fall into wrong hands. The street was filled with people who had come to unwind after a day’s hard work and Ani was trying to make her way through the people. High alcohol consumption can disrupt the brain’s judgement of distances and heights. Same was Ani’s state at this time. She could see people looking at her and she was not finding it decent. Just try to cross the street and hopefully an auto could take me to my hostel she told herself. Now another group was passing comments on if they would take her where she wanted to go. Ani was not just awkward but also vulnerable and helpless as she had no control on herself.

She tried to hurry before the men closed in. They almost circled her on the end of the street. She had tears rolling and from the corner she was the white Santro DL2C ADXXXX with the door wide open. She saw Rohan rush towards her and push people aside saying she is with me, move away. He grabbed her in his arms and she held her shirt and burst in tears. He was the support she was trying to cling on to in order to get her feet firm on the road. He quickly made her sit in the car and got behind the wheel speaking aloud, “Do you know what I have gone through from the time I got your text message to reaching here. What if my gut feel would have been wrong. Do you realize you are so valuable to me? How could you even do this?”

She was almost unconscious as she knew she was in the safest hands in the world and just kept blabbering “I love you Rohan”

You may think if this is a movie part or a novel chapter….i think just one thing…Life’s Like That….