Ananya put on her sneakers, adjusted her track pants and increased the volume to max as the blasting music paused every thought that sprinted her mind, 8 km it is she murmured and ran.
Her pace slowed as she passed the regular spot around the huge park which was dark even in broad daylight.
Yes it was there as always, she saw it move again behind the bushes, this time she saw its eyes, green, big, fierce, nocturnal, and staring at her as she walked past it.
It seemed black, shapeless and ghastly, she pulled her headphones aside, an eerie silence, she looked closely, the green pair of eyes preyed on her ready for its plunge.
Just then the phone rang, she looked at the flashing screen and picked it, “It’s scary” she stammered “it’s really scary Rohan, I have started hallucinating again! I need to see the shrink!”
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Nice build up of suspense.
That last word … I didn’t get what you meant.
a shrink is slang for a psychiatrist…happy you liked it Indrani 🙂
Five sentences, yet says a whole lot. Loved reading it
thank you Durga Prasadji 🙂
Poor girl…thank God it’s only fiction!
Yes Fiction does give a free hand Amitji.
now that’s scary!! to not differentiate between what’s real and what’s not. Loved the ending.Quite unexpected.
thank you Rajlakshmi, glad you liked it 🙂
wow! great talent there, five liners are never my cup of tea. You are wonderful Shweta!
Try once it is an enjoyable form to write, thank you for liking it 🙂
good work on suspense. but why is she hallucinating?
she says she needs to see a psychiatrist so leave it to the reader to conclude. Thanks Tina 🙂
Another interesting tale from the master of surprising twists!
hehe…thank you Rajeevji 🙂
Scared !
oh…
Wow .. Good One ..
thank you 🙂
Aaww I wanted to read more Shweta, you are such an engaging writer 🙂
thank you Roma, will write a longer fiction soon 🙂
Wow you really have a way with words. Seems I was injected right into her character feeling the suspense and fear stirring inside of me.
thank you Alice, very happy you liked it 🙂
Love the way you bring unexpected turns to the story..good one!
Thank you Deepa, happy you liked it 🙂
Aha! Loved the build up 🙂
thank you Divsi 🙂
I always love a good suspense/thriller short story. I think this would have worked better if it is possible to have more than five sentences. Some sentences seems to have been crammed with words just to keep things within the sentence limit.
Thank you so much, well the format is five sentences so had to create it that way 🙂
Hallucinations can certainly cause a lot of distress..
yes Induji, so agree!
A perfect thriller !
thank you Atul 🙂
And then???!!! C´mon, you have to give us more of this? Was it really an hallucination or was it for real? Is she mentally sick? Please give us more 🙁
I will write a longer fiction 🙂 happy you liked it 🙂
So the character has actually seen the same figure several times in the past, in the same spot? Why did she slow down when she reached that spot? Ohhhh myyy gosh! I cannot imagine how that must have felt! This story is very engaging and scary! (Although I have to say the first sentence was confusing at first and I had to re-read it for me to understand it. I feel like there’s just too many ideas in one sentence. )
the idea of having it in five sentences is to leave the reader with varied conclusions 🙂
A good one! I’d like to read this one, as I think it should be, in verse instead of in prose. The brevity of this tale makes me want to read more. Thanks!
oh wow a poem on it, interesting, thank you!
It is a good build up but I didn’t understand why she was hallucinating. I think that needed to be explained better.
sure Craig, more elaboration would have spoilt the point 🙂
An interesting opening. Although I guess you want it to be complete in 5 sentences. It is a complete story, true, but does make one wish for it to continue.
want the reader to want more Deejay 🙂
Cool! This is really cool I like how you build the suspense up!
thank you Swinder 🙂
Very suspenseful. Only the twist need to be a little more twisting. But, if it’s a longer story, I really wonder what would happen next. What is that thing that she saw in the bushes? What makes her saw that thing? Maybe it was a traumatic event of being mugged at the park. Maybe her little brother used to love playing hide and seek at the park died of a tragic accident and it haunted her. Anyway, it is a very well-written story 🙂
Now you really got a lot of twists to the plot, very interesting 🙂
The picture freaked me out! I do want to know what happens to Ananya. Can’t wait for this book! I need answers!
writing a book …thats a challenge now.
Good one, nice imagination from you!
thanks Alok!
Another one with and unexpected turn ! Wow
thank you so much 🙂
Nice! The interest stayed till the end. Good ending.
thank you so much Abhijitji 🙂
Interesting
thank you 🙂
I imagined how it was like. This is one of those experiences that you would rather tick off on your list as a hallucination. If running would scare me like this I’d rather stay at home and do sporadic work outs. This experience can be really scary
You’re amazing as a story-teller and have great sense of understanding that what your readers like. Keep writing beautiful short fictions like this! 🙂
Saumy
thank you so much Saumy, glad you like FSFs 🙂 as it really is challenging 🙂
Wow! That is a powerful punch in 5 sentences. I hope she doesn’t need more than a shrink. If you know what I mean 😛
totally she wouldn’t she has mastered it so well now that she makes people go crazy hehe 🙂
Gave a really eerie feeling!So was it her imagination or was it an alien?ghost?My curiosity is aroused already
I need to write a long fiction on that to tell you what happens next 🙂
Really well drafted story 🙂
thank you Sumit 🙂
Beautifully written. Short and to the point 🙂
thank you Nisha, happy you liked it 🙂
Hallucination happens when we read your five sentence fiction—reading first four lines we imagine something that is what does not happen at the end.
hahahah….and yet I engage you more with FSF 🙂 really happy you liked it 🙂
May be next time Vikram Bhatt tries to make a Creature 3D, he can consult you for the plot so it does not turn out to be a headache!
I’ve done 5 sentence fictions, so I know it’s hard to bring so many things at the table in just 5 sentences, but you’ve done really well 🙂
thanks Anmol….I will surely charge a fat fee for sharing the plot with the Bhatts hehe….glad you liked it 🙂
Well, Rohan should be telling her to chill sounding calm and cool but sprinting to her as fast as he could. That is real scary Ani 🙂 Well written!
Of all we know Rohan I wouldn’t be surprise if he would have planted a creature there…the notorious Rohan! thanks Shashank.
Wow! Now that’s a spooky tale with quite a twist in the end. By the way didn’t know shrink means a psychologist. Now that’s something new I learnt today :D.
its just a slang…..I took the leeway…so happy you liked it Aseem 🙂
Full of suspense. Amazing work!!!
First time on your blog & not in a hurry to leave now… 🙂